aelfie: (Simpsons me)
How...what an energy drain.

The good:
Love the school.
I got "hello"s and "great to see you again!"s and hugs from various staff and faculty members
I lined up 2 more days to sub this month in kindergarten
I got to finally meet the second grade teacher (the single teacher I hadn't met last spring) (if I get a job here, he'd be Elli and Gwen's teacher)

The bad:
The commute sucks
Teacher left me NOTHING for them to do for 2 practice periods!
I forgot lunch, which then gave me massive headache, but not until after school
I broke the rocking chair (oy)
It hurts to be there.

I'm glad to add to the resume and I'm glad to have a chance to integrate myself into the community. Honestly, this is my first choice school for next fall if the librarian gig falls through. BUT I feel dreadfully inadequate to the task of being a teacher. Today, being left with a class, all by myself, really let me know, how much I don't know. I know I would be supported by a mentor...but's just so much. And an 8 year commitment to these kids to begin with!! I mean, you have to teach so much and there's so much I don't get about how I'm even supposed to attempt it!

Does every new teacher feel like this? Just. Ut.
aelfie: (Default)
I can't find 2 children's lunch boxes. Last seen in the house. Elli's was last seen last night, Ike's last Friday. Joe and I have both, torn this place apart trying to find said lunch boxes. No sign.

I note that the garbage was taken out this morning...and we do have a two year old in the house. I'm wondering if both of those boxes went out to the dump today. And no, we didn't figure out that the second one was missing until after the garbage was picked up (which happens around 6AM). The boxes themselves isn't just the cause of distress ($20.00 each) but the contents: metal water bottle ($16.00), sandwich holder ($7.00), thermos ($25.00), and 4 resusable snack bags ($6.00 each) just add to the distress. It's going to be expensive to replace all of that. I know being green is better...but damn, this is a hassle and cost over a brown paper bag, a couple of plastic baggies, and the water fountain.
aelfie: (rose wtf)
I placed an order to Powells, 'cause they had a picture book I wanted cheap. Duh. Well in order to qualify for free shipping, I just had to order more books. (I know, its a tragedy). So I order a few of the Harry Dresden's that we didn't have. And the second Codex Alera series that Butcher wrote. When they showed up, I went to put them in the bookcase (for those of you who have never been to my house, we have this HUGE bookcase dedicated to paperback fantasy and scifi. Double stacked, in alphabetical order, of course.) and they DIDN'T FIT!!! They are a good half inch taller than the standard paperback book. And yes, they are both Butcher books, but its two different publishers.

Is this a new "standard" size? Has anyone else come across this? Its annoying as hell let me tell you!

Ahh Heck

May. 29th, 2010 08:28 am
aelfie: (Default)
I posted this news on the Homeschooling group I'm in on Yahoo groups...guess I should post it here too.

Part 1.

My son Ike has been lucky enough to attend the local Waldorf school one day a week for their Forest Friday program. He also went in for the Eurythmy class. He's learned a lot, made friends, and we have all enjoyed the community.

The school is discontinuing offering classes to the homeschool community. Darn.

I'm annoyed and disappointed. But I have to admit, there is part of me that is not too upset that our mornings two days a week will no longer suck. I think I am going to talk to the Eurythmy teacher and see if she is willing to come into our home one day a week. (She lives out of area and commutes here one day a week, another gig might make it more "worth" it for her) But I am going to miss the community very much. I really enjoyed the festivals and the class plays and all the other activities that made us feel like a part of the school.

I think this gives me the kick in the pants I need to search out other families in the area who are on this journey as well. There has GOT to be more people than just me where I live.

Part 2 follow up post, after someone making a comment about how its shame especially considering the economy
I think they went about it the wrong way.

First of all, I found them by accident, it wasn't like they were actively advertising to the Homeschooling community. And like I told Ike's teacher, the Bay Area is a huge center for Homeschooling and there's a lot of people doing it and a lot of them have a lot of money to spend on classes.

Second of all, they were opening their main lesson times to Homeschoolers. The teacher said that one of the reasons why they decided to close the school to part time students is the fact that the child would be signed up for one day a week, which wasn't often enough for the child to really get the rhythm of the room, AND attendance would be spotty. The families that signed up for days other than Forest Friday didn't seem to take it very seriously (I think I was the ONLY Waldorf Homeschooler, everyone else is ecletic.). So the kids ended up being a distraction because they didn't know what in the world was going on. They thought about leaving the outside main lesson classes open (i.e. art, handwork, spanish), but decided that the spotty attendance thing would get in the way.

She admitted that the Forest Friday worked out well for Homeschoolers, as it was a different atmosphere. However, due to pressure from full time student parents, the Forest Friday program is changing. A few parents were complaining about the loss of "real" classroom time for "real" work and felt that these outdoor excursions should be left up to the parents to provide. So it will become more academic and part of the environmental studies and will be day 2 in the rhythm and continuing work done in the classroom the day before.

But yea, its a shame, but they do have the entire summer to re-think the decision. They may change their mind, they may not. But I have enjoyed my year, so has Ike and I think it provided us a bridge year. We were in school full time last year, part time this year, and all on our own next. I think I need to change some of my plans a bit...this now gives us the opportunity to really enjoy the one co-op we went to a couple of times this year. We quit going because of icky weather and that I couldn't get Ike to do "school" work on that day. So we can change our weekly rhythm to make that our outdoor day.

My commentary at this point

One of the things I have noticed about the perceptions of homeschooling and after a year that I feel is completely justified is that Homeschoolers are flaky. They don't finish classes they've signed up for, they leave groups without notice, they make plans and then change their minds and don't follow through. Okay, not all Homeschoolers are flakes, but there is a sufficient number of them that the perception persists with just cause.

I think this is something we need to work on as a group.

And I must confess, I'm guilty of it as well. We started at a co-op in January. Now this one is a very casual one, no money is exchanged,its a parent led topic on a weekly basis at a local park. We quit going mostly due to crappy weather. Now that its summer (am I really sure about this?) we will start going again.

Ike is...

Mar. 21st, 2010 04:51 pm
aelfie: (MnM Ike)
pushing his luck.

He took my keys and deliberately cracked the screen on my 3 month old laptop.

Its going to cost approx $400 (half of what it cost) to fix. Because I'm stupid. I didn't buy the accident insurance ("What do I need it for. Its going to live on my desk") Well, now I know why I need the accident insurance, and at least the only good thing is that I can buy it now. This accident won't be covered, but the next one will.

Grrrr. That child.

I'll give him credit. He fessed up to it after initially blaming his sisters. It took a lot of courage for him to do so, and I praised him for it.

Now I've got to come up with an extensive list of chores for him to do to make up for it.


Sep. 28th, 2009 07:20 pm
aelfie: (scream)
I ripped a big hole in my Maya Wrap Baby Sling today! *sniff* I'm a wee bit sentimental, I bought it when Ike was a baby. I'm sad to see it so worn (but at least I can say I got my money out of it...4 babies!)
aelfie: (Typhoid Mary)
It makes me maudlin, and cranky, and depressed.

I swear head colds are the worst. Sinus pain, runny nose, sore throat. Bleh.

Lately I've been feeling less than successful at parenting. Too much yelling and screaming going on. The last couple of days I've been fighting the "I'm a horrible mother, I shouldn't be responsible for these people 'cause I'll just fuck them up, et cetera, et cetera". In other words, I've been really down on myself the last few days (being sick has absolutely nothing, whatsoever to do with this.) (Riiiiiight.)

Anyway. I was meditating last night while nursing Gray, and I heard the still, quiet voice. "You are worthy." Its been resonating and reverbrating in my brain all day. And it really has helped put me at ease. I'm not a bad mother. I still hear my Step-mother's voice every once in awhile, and I hear it loudest at times like these when I'm down on myself, what I heard last night, has helped greatly to shut her up.

Its nice that the Universe hasn't had to continue to smack me upside the head to get its message to me. I guess I'm finally learning to listen.


Sep. 11th, 2009 05:48 pm
aelfie: (Default)
I want food. I ordered pizza for everyone else for dinner, but there's nothin' around here for me.

Grrrr. I don't want to fix food...its why I ordered take-out.

And I'm sick of this head-cold...I'm tired of feeling like poop!


Aug. 20th, 2009 04:32 am
aelfie: (Default)
Its 4:30 AM and I've been up for an hour. And I'm not going back to bed at this point. And Gray really wasn't involved.


I woke up an hour ago due to back pain. (Since I sleep with Gray, I spend a chunk of the night laying on my side, nursing. My back, does not like this.) Rolled over and lay on my back. Realized I had to go pee. Got up and took care of business. Attempted to crawl back into bed, but woke up Gray.  Spent the next half hour settling him back into his own bed. Realized that I had 20 minutes until the alarm went off. So I got up.

So why was the alarm set to go off at 4:45?

The consultant I'm working with for homeschooling is calling at 5AM. She's a homeschooling mom too, so she does all her consulting work before her family gets up. My luck she's a time zone ahead. So I'm now up for the day (I get up between 6 & 6:30 to get my game on before the family gets up. Its been one of her suggestions and has worked really, really well for me.

Could be worse, I suppose.
aelfie: (Wheat is my enemy)
For the third time in a week, I've gotten glutened.

The first time was french fries cooked in contaminated oil. That just gives me a headache and a little digestive problems.

The second time was Saturday. A friend brought dinner over from Boston Market. She had asked the guy behind the counter if a particular side was safe (Squash Casarole) and he said it was.  I ate one bite and said "I don't think so, there's breadcrumbs in the casarole" I looked up the info on the website and yes, it does in fact contain gluten. I got a nasty headache, big digestive problems, stomach cramps, and I just realized its why I've been tired for the last 2 days even though I've been feeling awesome since Gray showed up.

The third time was tonight. Another friend brought over dinner (someone who completely understand the whole celiac thing no less!) She brought over her standby Asian Chicken and Rice Salad. Which is wonderful! I didn't notice until I almost finished the second bowl that, in addition to normal rice, and wild rice, it contained standard orzo pasta. *hang head* I've already taken Advil for the massive headache that is building, I'll be downing Immodium for the digestive problems, and I think I'll just go to bed for the next couple of days....

Now for the humor of the meal. Ike came in while Joe and I were eating, looked at the salad, pulled out a grape with his bare, dirty fingers and Joe started berating him for not having "a bare minimum of table manners" and I, not thinking, piped up. "So speaks the man with his mouth full of food" I got a dirty look from Joe, while Ike and I just looked at each other and started to giggle. It wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done, but its been the first time in a LOOOOOONG time that something slid past my filters.

And it really was funny though.

aelfie: (scream)
The universe is definitely out to get me.

Not only am I "just about" to give birth.

The refrigerator just died.

Freezer works fine, but the cold air isn't getting to the fridge. Wonderful, just wonderful.
aelfie: (Default)
I ordered a new face mask for my CPAP, clearly stated on the message what manufacturer and model I wanted...and the feebs still sent me THE WRONG MASK! ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At least they got the right type of mask this time and the right size...but there's a big difference between ResMed and Respironics. Grrrr...Now I have 2 extra masks that I don't like. (Hrmmm...I have an extra nasal mask...have to see if Joe likes it...) But still. Grrr!
aelfie: (Typhoid Mary)
I've moved onto to the "Crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head" stage.

Somebody brought home such a lovely virus...a deep chest cough, runny nose, and of course, exhaustion. Bleh. Oh, I forgot the vomiting. Lovely. Kool-aid is staying down, but not food. So I'll be drinking a lot of liquid sugar this afternoon.*

Last nights sleep totally sucked. I'm back to the "If you wake me up I'm going to be up fuckin' forever" stage. This is what nearly drove me to suicide after the girls. The being asleep for 3-4 hours, up for 2-3 trying to get back to sleep and catching another 1-2 hours of light sleep until the alarm goes off. I can't take the amino acid supplements that I know will help. I hope this is over soon...I won't be able to take too many more nights of this while fighting a virus.

Luckily, Elli let me catch a 45 minute nap this morning...I'm hoping the girls cooperate and let me catch another this afternoon.  But I'm not holding my breath.

I hate being pregnant and sick. I can't take anything!

*Joe. Will you stop at the store and bring home some cranberry juice? Thank you. Actually, call before you leave...I may need you to grab dinner.

Da Blah's

Mar. 15th, 2009 07:45 pm
aelfie: (cat hates everything)
I've got a bad case of the Blah's.  I've been up for 2-3 hours in the middle of the night for the past two nights. I think I'm coming down with the cough/cold that Gwen is currently fighting. I took a nap, but don't really feel much better. I'm full, but still hungry. Nothing really sounds like it would taste good. I don't want to read or stitch. In fact, I don't know what I want.

I think some more sleep would really help...but I'm not seeing any coming anytime soon.


Ike's day

Mar. 2nd, 2009 09:16 pm
aelfie: (MnM Ike)
So, last week I came to the decision that I can't take care of all three kids every afternoon of the week. My spoon supply keeps getting shorter. And it would be horribly expensive to drop the 3 of them a few days a week at KidsPark. After doing some thinking and calling around, I determined that Ike could attend the after school care provided by our YMCA at Ike's school. Its $292/month for three afternoons a week (1:45-6PM). Which is fairly reasonable.

Joe and I forgot to warn remind him this morning that he was going there. We had talked about it last week, but it was a really busy weekend, this morning the alarm didn't go off, it was a rushed morning, blah, blah, blah. Basically, he was taken from his classroom by someone not a parent and didn't know why.

I picked him up about 5:45*. When I walked in the door, his eyes got big and he ran up to me, threw his arms around me and said:

"Mommy! Are you okay? I was so afraid something had happened to you!"

I felt so bad.

I reassured him that I was fine, told him I missed him, apologized profusely for forgetting to remind him, told him this was temporary, assured him that I would give him more food in his lunch so he'd have an afternoon snack ('cause he insisted he was starving, then got home and found leftover lunch in his backpack. =)) brought him home and gave him cuddles.

Its times like this when I am reminded that he is very emotionally vulnerable at this point in time. He's worried about school, is convinced he can't behave, and just all around afraid that no one wants him to be around. I really FUBAR'ed this one. The fact that he demanded cuddles once we got home is telling. I cuddled him, found out that he wanted a snack before dinner (which was ready to eat, thank goodness for the crockpot) which I gave him (M&M's), then he ate his entire dinner (a rarity), then ate dessert (hot chocolate with marshmellows), multiple slices of cheese, fruit, and carrots. (He really was hungry!) I'll give him multiple reminders tomorrow evening and wednesday morning. I'm hoping wednesday will go better.

My poor little boy. Sometimes I feel so lost in how to deal with him. I know a lot of his misbehavior is due to his insecurities (and my failures at parenting), but I'm at a loss at times in how to help him. I do my best to love him...but usually daily frequently sometimes I feel its not enough. He's kinda gotten the short end from me. Something has always been going on that prevents me from being the Mommy he needs. Its really frustrating. He's a great kid, and I keep forgetting that in the day to day shuffle and hassles. I'm trying to stop myself only seeing his weakness, instead of celebrating his strengths. I'm hoping after Gray shows up, and I've healed from the birth...that I can finally be at a place where I can truly do better.

*BTW the girls and I did have a nice, calm, restful (to me) afternoon. I've talked with other parents of 3 kids and they agree...if you remove one, doesn't matter which one, the dynamic gets much calmer and easier to deal with. I'll still probably take them to KidsPark one afternoon a week, just so I can nap.

aelfie: (Fat and Pregnant)
For the last two months I've been bitching up a storm that I'm cold and can't seem to get warm.

Well Gray finally got big enough I'm feeling his body heat output. Now I'm hot all the time.

The fatigue has been better the last couple of days...due to my judicious use of caffeinated beverages. I'm drinking about 12 oz of Coke a day, in little bits through out the day...and it seems to be helping with my late afternoon "Leave me the fuck alone you little people I'm too tired to look at you."

Yea pregnant if I could just keep from crying all the damn time.
aelfie: (Sucks to be you)
I decided to not even try and entertain the kids this afternoon. I'm too tired and worn out. I need to sit in the comfy chair for the afternoon and not be bothered by anybody. So after picking Gwen up from school, I planned on taking all three of the to KidsPark for the entire allowable 5 hours. I didn't even get out of the car before one of the workers got to the door and said "We're full! There's 48 kids in here, we can't take anymore. Try back in an hour."

Sucks to be me.
aelfie: (cat hates everything)
Today is day 4 of Ski Week. Ike's had this whole week I've had to entertain my kids, all day, for the last few days, all by myself. Joe had the three day weekend, but the kids were sick, so we couldn't do anything fun, and it was raining, which didn't make it any easier. We stayed home and vegged...they were happy to do so.

Tuesday afternoon I took them to Bounce-a-Rama...that was a big success. I spent most of the afternoon sitting down on a bench reading a book. The only downside is that I spent a good chunk of the afternoon insisting that we were not playing video games, so go play.

Exceedingly long and terse summary of yesterday. )

Quick summary for those who skipped the cut. Yesterday was waaaaay too much running around and royally sucked.

So I figured out that I needed to do something with the kids today. Yes its beautiful out (finally) however, everything is still soaked and could use another couple of days to dry out. I called a friend to see if she was available to help me kid chase this afternoon. Decide to go to the gym and stitch, then take the kids to a newish Round Table Pizza with a big indoor playground. And hopefully swing by the Chiropractor to get adjusted.

That was the plan anyway.

But we all know that no plan survives contact with the enemy.

Another long ramble about the day thus far... )

I doubt that they can stay out of trouble for very long though...these are my kids...into everything.

I'm somewhat frustrated with myself and my life right now. Essentially for Ike's entire life, I've been sick for one reason or another. I've not been able to be the Mom I want to be. For example, out of the first 12 out the last 18 months I had energy to do fun things with them, but had an injury that prevented me from doing so. For the last 6, the injury cleared up, but my energy just went out the door. I'm tired of feeling like they are getting the short end of the stick from me. I didn't want to be a mom who looks for every opportunity to get rid of her kids and avoid spending time with them. I love them to death and wished I enjoyed being around them more than I do. I do recognize that there's been extenuating circumstances that prevents me from being how I wish I were...but its starting to feel more and more like an excuse...I'm tired of saying no Mama can't. I know it will fix itself...but I can't help but wonder if its too late for Ike.


Jan. 27th, 2009 03:15 pm
aelfie: (scream)
I hate my house!!!!

Rather, I love my  house, I HATE how trashed, messy and dirty it is right now! Everywhere I look there's a bloody mess. I can't walk across the floor without stepping on something, I keep finding old abandoned food in places where it shouldn't be. Just ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*Deep breath*

I'm pregnant. With three small kids in the house. I know this. I can't do everything I want to do, I can't keep up with the house and the kids. Joe is doing all he can (man did 6-7 loads of laundry this weekend. Yea! We've all got clean clothes and towels!) But I just hate living like this. Stresses me out.

Just grrrrr.
aelfie: (scream)
For the last 10+ days, someone has been falling asleep late in the afternoon. Elli and Gwen have been taking turns...yesterday both of them did.

Why is this a problem do you ask? They are sufficiently old enough to not really need a nap when they do, especially one later in the day...they won't go to bed until late (read past my bedtime). So not only have I not been getting my root beer floats (don't get between a pregnant woman and her food cravings) I'm NOT GETTING LAID!

They've gotten stuck in this pattern of napping late, staying up late, getting up on timeish. Its a vicious circle that feeds itself. I'm getting tired of it. I decided to do something about it.

Today, I worked my ass off to keep those two little girls awake and active all afternoon. Elli passed out on the couch at about 6:30. Gwen right before 8. I'm starting to relax, Ike is the last one up...and the night is shaping up to be one where I get both sex and ice cream. Finally.

Ike (now known as the little shit) decides to start making noise...lots of noise. In fact, he creates a sufficient amount of noise that he wakes Elli 8:15.


She's now had an approximate two hour nap, she's feeling rested, and won't go back down. She is currently watching TV.

I'm so hoping that Gray looks just like him.


aelfie: (Default)

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