aelfie | Who'd of thought there's a name for it?

Current Mood: sleepy

Entry tags:

musings

Who'd of thought there's a name for it?

So I was reading this month's edition of Oprah's magazine when I get to a article blurb that describes gaslighting, and how to deal with someone who is doing it to the reader. According to wikipedia, "Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. It uses persistent denials of fact which, as they build up over time, make the victim progressively anxious, confused, and unable to trust his or her own memory and perception." Which is a pretty good sumation of my last serious relationship.

Personally, I just call it abuse. It doesn't make it any nicer to deal with , but its interesting to know there's a specific name for it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The term comes from an old movie. I think Ingrid Bergman starred in it. Her (movie) husband used the psychological technique you describe on his unfortunate wife. I think this film is considered a classic.

Wow, so how DOES one deal with someone who is doing that?

I can't figure out how to describe what I did without coming off so self-serving it will make even me nauseated. I'll have to let Jen describe it herself. I think being poly may have helped as it gave another viewpoint.

The article had 3 suggestions.

1. Stick to your guns on the details being argued over.
2. Be prepared to walk away from the argument if its going no where.
3. Be prepared to abandon the relationship.

Not very lengthy or helpful when you look at it.

The time between 1 and 3 for me was quite short, about 3 months. But I let him do the leaving. I just threw the bolt on the door after he left.

Being poly did help alot. Joe treated me well. As I began to realize, the way I should be treated. I also had 2 other women supporting me and helping me make decisions. One being my best girlfriend. The other is/was a square dance caller and was formally known as a big ole dyke until she met another caller at the club where you and I met.

I am just very glad I got away. The other girl in that relationship is still in it. It took some counseling to repair the damage to my self esteem, but I got out & that's the important thing

Not very long, yeah, but maybe it's the most helpful thing that could be written about such a situation. After all, what else is there to do? I'm glad you got to 3. I wonder how much the support from friends helped you keep your sanity and your boundaries so you COULD make that decision.