Phone conversations with Other Moms

One I had today.

C: Well I didn't want Ike, Elli, or Gwen getting this bug, so that's why we aren't going anywhere.
Me: Ah, well, No biggie, it wouldn't have bothered me. Remember my philosophy: A challenged immune system is a healthy one.
C: Jen, that's psychotic.
Me: I don't know about that. The way I figure it is that when the pandemic finally hits, all those people who use all those annoying antibacterial products in their houses and on their kids*, their kids will get it and die. Mine will live. Their immune system is used to fighting stuff off.
C: That's a depressing way of thinking of things.

Now personally, I don't find that to be a depressing way of thinking of things. And I also didn't mind being called psychotic. My mom friends think I'm wierd for the way I do things**. I also like to view this conversation as "Why our kids are getting sick: Parent's just don't understand immune systems." Its conversations like this one that make me despair about the survival of Americans.


*C is one of these people. She even buys those really stupid antibacterial kleenexes. Oy!
** Like insisting that my kids eat healthy food and not get too much sugar and get plenty of unstructured outside playtime.

Phone conversations with Other Moms: Part II

Same conversation, a few minutes later

*refering to the kids latest portraits*
C: I saw the kids pictures! Did you ever think that you would ever have such gorgeous children?
Me: Yes, yes I did.
C: *incredously* You did?
Me: Yes, I was a beautiful child and took great pictures. My mother was asked repeatedly to sign waivers so the photographer could display my pic.
C: You're kidding.
Me: Nope.

Now, this is the same woman who, upon her first visitation of the girls a few days after their birth, said, "Wow Jen, who'd of thought you'd have such beautiful girls?"

I love watching people give themselves athletes foot in their gumline.

This same person also said recently that Joe and I needed to create a tape for The Nanny. Needless to say, she was a bit abashed when my response to that comment was "Yea, I know. Joe and I are complete incompetents in raising our children."

And believe it or not, I do in fact, consider this fairly clueless person, one of my friends. She just has a tendency to eat her toes a lot.*

*Not that I will cast the first stone. I with, some regularity, chew on my toes as well (Although not nearly as oftern as I used to!). C's saving grace is that she usually recognizes her blunders. Its not recognizing them that I cannot tolerate.

Bus Memories

Now many people know, I drove a bus in college. Yes, I do in fact know how to drive a London Double Decker bus. We imported them along with the mechanic. Being a part of Unitrans was actually a really good thing. In retrospect, it was similar to a fraternity/sorority. We had our hazing (you had to get your license), there was a hierarchy and it was a built in social scene. Once in, you had access to neat people, cool parties, and a common goal.

I was thinking about an incident that happened 13-14 years ago, and I realized that I should write some of these down. Its worth remembering.

Now, one of the bits of extra training you could volunterily sign up for was OTC's (Out of Town Charters).  As we were the cheapest game in town, many of UCD's Greek people would charter Unitrans buses for their Formals. The basic gig was driving really drunk people from Davis to some nice location/hotel (usually somewhere in Sacramento (20-30 mins away)) drop them off, go fart around for 4-5 hours, pick up people who are even more drunk/passing out and drive their drunk asses back to Davis. And get paid for the entire evening. Other than dealing with drunk stupid people (DSP) for 1-2 hours of the evening, it was easy money (the night usually ended up with 6-8 hours on the time clock). 

That being said, for the longest time, my best friend M and I were the only women who had the balls to drive OTC's. Most didn't want to deal with DSP's (who occasionally tipped $20.00 bills to make up for extra annoying passengers), their puke (at least one person for the night, thankfully never happened to me), or other bodily fluids (a lone beer bottle filled with piss comes to mind).  Needless to say, we developed a, somewhat, exaggerated reputation. This was not something we down played. We wanted them scared of us. 

Here's the memory for tonight: One OTC called for 3 busses. M was in the lead, I was in the middle, M's boyfriend P was bringing up the rear. DSP starting filing out of the frat house to the first bus. They took a look at who was driving, turned right around, and came to my bus, the about face was repeated, and the DSP's moved onto P's bus. This amused us greatly.  P's bus filled up first, then mine, then M's. And it was an uneventful night.