Jen's Mental Scribblings

While driving with the children this afternoon we were discussing the topic of competence (in particular what constitutes competence in the workplace and the pay you receive because of it).  And the following conversation occurred.

Ike: So how much does Auntie allanh make?
Me: No clue. But not enough. He's extremely competent but underpaid.
Gwen (backseat): He makes enough to get all the cheese he wants!

This made me laugh because of the randomness. Further inquiry showed that she meant Unka Randy...who is, in fact, the cheese fiend.

School starts tomorrow! Yes!

Oh! I got a response on that resume I sent yesterday. It was just an acknowledgement, but that's a first for this school.

I left home last Sunday with a fully packed van and four kids. And a dog. The dog got left with mom.

The ride to Reno was uneventful. We checked into Circus Circus with no problems. We were disappointed to find the buffet closed, so we ate at their in-house diner. The kids had hamburgers.

We got up early and started the drive to Salt Lake. I was warned by several people that there's not much to see between the two. I found them wrong. Gently rolling hills, little valleys, rivers, trains, livestock and gorgeous colors of vegetation! I was really impressed by the abrupt change in the landscape between Nevada and Utah. You knew immediately you were someplace different.

We spent two nights in Salt Lake visiting one of my friends. We went to This is the Place Heritage Park in the morning. The kids really enjoyed it. Its a living history park and the houses are either historic buildings moved to this area or are recreations. I liked how they showed both the homes of poor people and those who were better off. Ike was fascinated by the blacksmith. We also got to see the live version of "gotta piss like a horse" I've never seen that before and the kids were impressed. We spent the afternoon down in Temple Square. The history museum was interesting and the visitors center was fascinating. Then we walked around the temple. There are two sets of impressive doors that haven't been used in ages. If temple-goers want to go in, the entrance is a street away and you go underground. I shudder to think about how they would get everyone out case of fire. The other thing about the Temple that struck me is it's size. Or rather lack thereof. Now. It's tall. It's gloriously tall and impressive. However, the footprint is quite small. I think my Mom's parish church has a bigger footprint. I was expecting something like a Roman Catholic Cathedral size. It's not. I was told they spent 40 years building it. For some reason, I wasn't too impressed. They've been working on the Gaudi Cathedral for over 100 (131 so far with another estimated 13 to go (a couple of wars halted construction, go figure)). Gray decided that he was going to get sick that afternoon and spent the afternoon in my arms. Sleeping. He also decided to pop a pretty good fever that night. But he woke up the next morning bright and chipper.

We spent the 28th driving to Jackson, WY. I got to see wheat fields for the first time ever! Cool. I tried not to breathe too deeply. Pretty drive. I found a road allanh s husband Randy needs to drive. Not only did it have the joy of curves and ups and downs...you got to dodge livestock! It was an uneventful drive. Jackson is gorgeous! We definitely want to go back. We only spent this one night and there's so much to do! Gray decided to get really sick on this night and we were up from about 1:30-4:30 with him alternatively vomiting and extreme EBS. Poor thing. I left a huge tip for the housekeeping crew, he threw up all over the bed several times (after Ike woke us up at 6).

We got up and went to this alpine slide I read about. It was awesome!!! First time I've ever ridden a ski lift. Then we hit the road. Drove through the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone. Amazing thunder storm overhead as we entered Yellowstone park, and then we crested a hill, and the storm was gone. Blue skies and warm sunshine. Had to convince the children to stick around long enough to see Old Faithful. I had to bribe them with ice cream. Wow. Just wow. Drove out of the park to our next hotel. Gray was miserable by this point and needed to go to bed. Ended up seeing a bison just wandering down the road in the opposite lane before we got out of the park. Yes! Only wildlife we saw in the park. Got to the next hotel and put everyone to bed.

On the 30th we drove to Missoula, MT. There's all these little signs on the side of the road telling you interesting things to see. I stopped at one called the "Lake that Tilted". It kinda caught my attention. Serious earthquake in 1959 literally tilted the lake and created another billion gallons of storage area. It also dumped 80 million tons of rock on the north end and drowned a campground. The mountain damage is obvious and you drive ON TOP of the fallen rock. It was kinda eerie, but also fascinating. Got to the hotel in Missoula.

Everybody felt great the next day on the 31. Joe was flying in and we had time to kill. We had breakfast and then I started to feel awful. So did Ike. I finally got us out of the room and into the car and stopped at the Carousel for Missoula. There's a dragon for the kids to ride!!! Ike was sufficiently sick, he stayed in the car to sleep. The other three rode it twice. Then we hit the road for Kalispell and Joe. The drive was nice, but I was feeling too awful to really notice anything. I got to Joe an hour late. =( But we got to the next hotel and I went to bed while Joe took care of the 3 non sick kids.

This morning we got up and moving and checked out from the hotel with like 5 minutes to spare. We stopped at a local grocery store for food for a couple of days and made it to the house we are staying at. It's gorgeous. On a lake. The kids played. And passed out.

I am sick of days that go well and end badly.

The afternoon with Ike went well, we had fun, everyone got along...it was great!

And then after dinner, Ike melted down. Full blown, destructive, temper tantrum. I'm tired of this. This last year has been so rough for him and its tiring for all of us when he loses it. The good thing? He cleaned up his sisters room after trashing it. Gwen even came in and helped us tidy up without being asked.

Afterwards the four of us sat down at the kitchen table and I facilitated the, um. hrm. I don't know the name of the technique...whatever. I prompted them using "I" statements. I asked Ike what bothered you and he began to spew "You guys...yadda, yadda" and I went "okay Ike. Try this "I felt frustrated....yadda yadda" and prompted the girls in saying "I heard that you feel...blah, blah when I blah blah...is that right?" Eventually they kinda got the idea. I realized that they are now old enough to teach the proper way to fight....and I guess I'm going to be working on that a LOT this summer.

*sigh*

I'm dreading school stopping next week. I'm also looking forward to it. I'm dreading next fall...and can't help but wonder if it's for the best. I want my kids to grow up less broken than me...they may be broken differently, but hopefully less broken.

One thing to look forward to is a big road trip late summer. On Saturday Joe and I went to our Church's Auction and got a week at a cabin on Bitterroot Lake in Montana. We were looking at the fact that if we are homeschooling this fall, we should take advantage of it and travel. I've lived in the SF Bay Area my entire life except for a short stint at Davis. I've also never really traveled. There's a lot of things/places in the Western US I've never seen. So, when the cabin went up for $300 and no one bidding on it...we decided it was a good idea to jump on it. We are going to drive it...possibily (hopefully) coming back through Seattle (Go and see friends we haven't seen in a few years) and Portland (Powells!!!!) So we are looking at a minimum 2 week trip. 3-4 days up and back and a week in Montana. I'm looking forward to it...longest road trip I've ever taken is Disneyland. This trip is 4 times the distance.

Also pondering a trip to the Grand Canyon...that's less than 800 miles from here.

I got Ike from school. Not in a good mood...but perked up a bit after the Tuesday Afternoon Donut (I go grocery shopping tuesday afternoon, kids get a donut to celebrate. Cheaper than a candy bar! M&M's cost 1.29. Donut? $0.50) But for the most part, almost all of the afternoon interactions just sucked. He's moody and touchy, throwing temper tantrums, throwing and breaking things, etc, etc. He refused to eat dinner because it didn't look good. (A quinoa salad. It was fine, not great, but fine.) And then after kicking the Legos all across his room, bemoaning that he's stupid because he can't put it together, doesn't deserve good toys, AND demanding his own room all at the same time...it comes out. He didn't bother to eat lunch.

*sigh*

If this child would just SHUT UP! and eat...he'd have plenty of time to eat his lunch. But he keeps complaining that 10-15 minutes isn't enough (Lunch break is 45 minutes, but the teacher kicks them out of the classroom to play after 15 minutes. It's an active bunch, they need to move.) And he's suffering from severe allergies. And reactive airway disease (got that diagnosis after a trip to the ER last friday night. Now he's got 2 inhalers to take during the day.). He's just plain miserable and doesn't feel well. And it's hard to be reasonable when one is feeling physically miserable. And I ought to know...my childhood SUCKED due to allergies.

So, I've got an appointment with the doctor for next week and see if she doesn't have some magic that will help the alleriges...'cause nothing OTC is working. (I've tried him on Claritin, Zyrtec (kids dose), Allegra (adult dose), and Benadryl (kids dose, hrmmm...may have to try adult dose on that one and see if it helps). I may try hunting down some old school ones to see if they help (I'm thinking Actifed,  chlor-trimeton and naldecon.) If not, time to suck it up and go for the shots. Gotta see if the allergist has anything else.

To start: Surgery went well and Ike is resting as best he can in the PICU. He's complaining of a headache (duh) and so far no nausea (yes!) So we shall see how the night goes.

 

He was anxious and wiggly this morning. We got here in plenty of time. And then we sat for 3 hours in the pre-op room. Ike kept himself entertained with either my our Joe's phone. They finally wheeled him off at 1:15. The surgeon came out almost exactly 3 hours later to tell us how it went. Shortly afterwards he was transfered to PICU, and woken up. He's been spending much of the time sleeping. And has recently woken up enough to ask to watch TV. He's drinking apple juice and is getting morphine. And believe it or not, he's really, really quiet. It's kinda nice. :)

 

Waiting....waiting....and waiting....

 

In his bed, asleep and quiet.

I hate this time of year.

This is when the dolrums of depression really start smacking me around.

It's not as bad as other years, but it's bad enough to be ANNOYING. I don't want to knit, I don't want to read. I just want to spend my time lying down being entertained and even then, I'm not that interested. I'm going through the motions. I get up, shower, dress. Care for children. Attempt to educate them. I do laundry and clean the house enough to keep it orderly. Which I know is a good thing. Just moving every day helps.

I'm trying to sit under my lamp every day. I'm trying to get outside and work in the garden every day. I can't really exercise 'cause of the damn boot, but it's my own damn fault it's there again, so oh well. I know that eating better will help immensely since oh...80% of how I feel is created by how I feed my body. I feed it crap...I feel like crap. Every day I do it a little bit better. I added 3 lbs over the Holidays (which is an immense improvement since last years 12 lb gain.), but I'm not adding any more so go me! The bingeing is slowing, every day it's a bit easier to stop. Every day, its easier to say "Nah, I don't want that." Every day, there's a step in the right direction...and if there's a slide, I'm kind to myself....I know it will be better tomorrow.

But still. I'm dragging. I have class tonight. I've done the reading, but I've not finished the paper. I've done the drawings. So...essentially half my homework is done. I'm struggling with how to write what I understand and do so succinctly. It's hard to do Steiner with brevity. Goodness knows he couldn't do it! There are times I yell at the book...Okay! Get to the point and say it already! I'm working on the next assignment's reading and I'm still waiting for it to get good. Parzival is not coming across as a sympathetic character to me (spoiled little brat), so the story is dragging. I can grind through it...but, bleh. There's a reason I'm not a Medievalist. These stories just go on and on and I swear to god they are paid by the word....bleh.

Ike is driving me crazy and I'm tired of pushing him through bullshit homework. I can see bringing home the work on his MLB he didn't finish in class, but damn. These math and grammar assignments are driving us crazy. Especially since he's already done the grammar ones already. I just want to go to his teacher and say enough with the bullshit. You have EXTRA main lesson slots daily...finish this bullshit stuff then, don't send it home! But...it still comes home. He worked for 90 minutes this morning struggling through his fractions and grammar. Normal kid probably would have taken 20...*sigh* Not sure how to deal with this. We are all tired of him struggling.

Just keepin' on keepin' on.

2013 is shaping up well. Took Ike to the ER tonight for evaluation after he and two of his classmates attempted to occupy the same space during a game of tag. In other words, Ike got his head bashed again and complained of headache, nausea, and sleepiness. Fun! And to add insult to injury? My co-pay doubled with the New Year. Yipee! And OMG that hurt. (I'm not looking forward to the co-pay for his surgery next month. OMG that's gonna SUCK. If I had known everything was going up...I'd of had his surgery done last year to get it done on the cheap!)

Oh...and he's ordered to stay home tomorrow to rest and we should expect a degradation in his behavior again.

Woo-fuckin'-hoo

Yesterday was capped off with a simultaneous crying jag by the girls on how they want friends. They are lonely and want to go to school. They like the school part of homeschooling...its the no friends part they don't. I'm feeling defeated, disappointed, and like I made a huge mistake for these girls. And I'm feeling swamped trying to teach and do all my homework. I'm behind.

I think I need more sun and more time outside. The being stuck inside and having no time to sit under my lamp-o-wonder isn't helping my mood.

*sigh*

Need sleep.

Ike and his therapist are talking about the concept authority. And using driving a car as the example.

 

"If I gave you the keys to my car, got in next to you, let you turn the ignition, and drive it...would you?"

 

"Yes!"

 

"Do you have the skill?"

 

"No."

 

"Do you have the ability?"

 

"No"

 

"Do you have the knowledge?"

 

"No."

 

"So if you had the opportunity to drive my car you would?"

 

"oh yea!"

 

"Do you know what that would make you?"

 

"My mothers child!"

 

That's my boy!

Yesterday, I went with the Third Grade on a field trip to a teacher's house. Sra. Carmina has a beautiful garden. Ike was sitting in my lap and as I was perusing the garden contents I said

"Hey, Ike. Look! Mastershalums!"
Owner of House hears this and says "They are called Nasturtiums."
I reply with a straight face.
"Not these. They are called Mastershalums. Christopher Robin told me."

I confused the poor man.

Ike and I however started to laugh.