Jen's Mental Scribblings

It really doesn't.

I thought since it's been a month since my Essure installation, I'd give an update.

The prep classes all stressed that the installation itself is relatively painless. Which is was.  The aftermath?

Jesus Christ on a Pogo Stick! Fuck me!

The cramps were awful. I was aware of my Fallopian tubes...its not normal. Let me tell you something. Fallopian tubes are NOT something you want to be aware of, it sucks. I was on Vicodin every 4 hours for the first 48 hours...then I switched to 800 mg advil....another 24 hours and I switched to 600mg and stayed there for a few days. Each day the cramping and pain got better. But I started every morning waking up super early with cramps and needing a pain killer for it for 2 weeks after the procedure. The rest of the day was fine...but those early morning cramps? Awful.

Oh. And did I mention that my period started 4 days post procedure??? Which they didn't warn me about because it showed up super early and was caused by those lovely hormones that played havoc on my guts? I've never been a bad menstrual cramp person. I'd have twinges now and then, but never really needed anything for it. This time? Oh yea! The cramping continued to my back. Never had that outside of labor before. Ut.

After two weeks, no more pain. I'm still aware of my Fallopian tubes on occasion, like when I'm suffering from lower abdominal distress and Montezuma's got me good. Not pleasant, but not bad either.

For awhile there I thought I made a HUGE mistake and wondered how I was going to convince my OBGYN to rip those fuckers out. But after the daily pain subsided. It's fine. I'm interested in seeing how it affects my cycle. Might make it more regular...might change the flow (GYN warned me about that AFTER I emailed her asking what was up and why did I have my period again so soon???)

All in all, if by the end of three months I'm sterile? I'm happy.

The Universe works in strange ways bringing people you need into your life. Sometimes you are the person who is needing...sometimes you are the person who is needed. Sometimes you meet through friends, sometimes online, sometimes the person next to you in line at Starbucks. But always, the Universe works to bring two people who need to meet together. Steiner tells us that this is Karma. We either want to continue to work together, or we are wanting to make amends for things that happened before. What happens afterwards is where Freedom comes in.

I don't exactly believe everything that Steiner said 100%. Some things are just so damned out there I just go. "Okay dude. Whatever. Maybe I'll figure it out next time around (His Cosmology is falling under this category, let me tell you.) But his description of Karma rings true for me. I think it explains why when you meet some people there's an instant click of friendship or that brief flicker of "About damn time...I've been waiting for you!" On the other hand it may also explain why some people, even though they seem perfectly nice, just give you the heebie geebies and you don't want to be spending any time with them (this might explain some people's reactions with their in-laws =)).

I have been blessed several times with that instant snap of close friendship and more recently with that "Where the hell have you been? I've been waiting!"...but never have I found a friend and kindred soul...by a letter.

I found an envelope in the mail today addressed to "The Crunchy Mom". The return is from a nearby street in the neighborhood. I thought this was a bit weird. I didn't recognize the name...do I have a stalker? How would some random person know I'm a crunchy mom? I open it up. It's from a woman in the neighborhood. She's moved to the area recently and is looking for new friends. On a walk she spies my van which has a bumper sticker on it that reads something like ('cause I'm too damn lazy to go outside and look it up right now) "Crunchy, hippie, liberal, leftist, homeschooling mom" Which makes her go "I need to meet this  mom!" But she doesn't want to knock on the door 'cause that's weird. So she wrote a letter.

This is pretty cool. I love the way the Universe works. I'll call her later when we aren't quite so toxic. Although, now that I think about it...she may appreciate an invitation to someone's house who is dealing with chicken pox. =) I know I would!

How...what an energy drain.

The good:
Love the school.
I got "hello"s and "great to see you again!"s and hugs from various staff and faculty members
I lined up 2 more days to sub this month in kindergarten
I got to finally meet the second grade teacher (the single teacher I hadn't met last spring) (if I get a job here, he'd be Elli and Gwen's teacher)

The bad:
The commute sucks
Teacher left me NOTHING for them to do for 2 practice periods!
I forgot lunch, which then gave me massive headache, but not until after school
I broke the rocking chair (oy)
It hurts to be there.

I'm glad to add to the resume and I'm glad to have a chance to integrate myself into the community. Honestly, this is my first choice school for next fall if the librarian gig falls through. BUT I feel dreadfully inadequate to the task of being a teacher. Today, being left with a class, all by myself, really let me know, how much I don't know. I know I would be supported by a mentor...but daaaaymn...it's just so much. And an 8 year commitment to these kids to begin with!! I mean, you have to teach so much and there's so much I don't get about how I'm even supposed to attempt it!

Does every new teacher feel like this? Just. Ut.

That was sufficiently amusing, that I wanted to keep my answer

I've been lazy. My last
pedicure was in August. Then I spent (what seemed) forever in that boot. And I haven't gotten around to getting another yet. Last night I noticed that the last pedicure had grown out enough I could see the nail bed. It was purple.

 

I removed the polish and found that most of my nail is purple. I then remembered that at some point over the last few months, Joe and I dropped something really, really heavy on my foot, right across the nail bed of my toe. I remember tremendous pain. Check this out.

 

I wonder how long this will take to clear up.

We have this infestation of ROUSs in our garage (so we thought). We put out traps, no dice. After a week we called a professional. He put out traps and sprayed a couple of things outside. After a week he came back out to see how things were doing. No ROUSs caught. He re-baited the traps and left in a cloud of cigarette smoke (no he didn't smoke around us...but Man it was seriously lingering). Grumble, Grumble, grumble.

This morning I went out to the garage and found one of the sticky traps we had put out a couple of weeks ago loaded with 2 mice. Eww. Oh. And they were still alive. Double Eww! I had Joe double glove himself and he took the trap out to the garbage (Hopefully the heat got the little guys. Awfully cute. I don't want them to suffer, just go away!)

This evening I went into my bedroom to put something away. I turned from where I was and saw a mouse sitting on the floor as calm as could be. Peanut came in and it didn't even budge. Okay, one dead mouse in my bedroom ewww. I shut the door on Peanut just in case and found something I could trap the mouse under (flower pot liner). I got it over the mouse, it woke up a bit and started to squirm a bit while I yelled for Joe. He came in and saw what I was doing and ran out to the recycling to get a piece of cardboard. We successfully slid it under the wee beastie, took him outside and tossed him in the garbage with his friends.

Now. Here's the real "Ewwww" I've not yet seen any activity of rodents anywhere else in the house other than the garage. So where in the hell did he come from????

Now. Here's the irony. Elli and Gwen are asking for a cage and a couple of pet mice for their birthday. I don't think so.

The monster that is my closet...

I didn't get through the closet today. I still have the upper shelf to take everything down and go through. But I took all my clothes out and only put back in the ones that fit and that were flattering. Too many clothes went to the goodwill bag...they fit...but they looked terrible on me. I no longer have many clothes. Good news is that my ball gown still fits and still looks wonderful! I bought that thing almost 10 years ago to go to a Black Tie Wedding and I was pregnant with Ike. I got to wear it again while pregnant with Gray. I'm hoping to wear it to Gaskells soon. Maybe the October dance. My parents (its still very cool to say that!) promised me a weekend away (two nights!). I haven't been in years and Joe's never been so we want to attend the dance workshop in the afternoon. A bunch of clothes were put aside to be brought back out after I lose some more weight.

Anyway, closet cleaning. I found 7 lonely shoes in my closet. Gray went spelunking under my bed looking for them. He recovered a single shoe and discovered another clan of the Vorpal Dustbunnies. Again we waged a long battle over the Bunnies and eventually they were vanquished. I still fear their return, I saw several proto-bunnies this afternoon while I was finishing up. So six shoes went to the garbage. Three pairs are singled out for selling if I don't wear them anytime soon. They are good shoes and very expensive ones too.

I went through the craft half of my closet. I pulled several kits out of the shelves and decided I'm never going to make them, so I'm putting them in the sell corner (several of these kits are worth $100-300). The ones not worth selling, I just put in the goodwill bag. I went through the hand-painted needlepoint canvases. Decided most of the not worth the trouble of trying to sell, and got put in the goodwill bag. I broke several kits apart and put the various bits away. I need to decide if I want to keep my beading supplies.

I have a raging allergy attack due to all the dust. Tomorrow, before I start, I will take extra antihistime and Sudafed. I will also clean the air purifier and turn that thing on. I'm just miserable and my nose is all red. I'll take a shower and wash my hair before I go to bed in an effort to get the dust off my body. Hopefully that will help me sleep tonight.

After Ike was done with therapy today (which he is doing quite well) he wanted to go shoe shopping. I asked him why does he need another pair of shoes when he has a pair of summer sandals and flip flops...what else could he possibily need? Closed toe shoes so he can mow the lawn. Good enough! Shoe shopping we went! We also stopped at the candy store. They liked that.

Good day, I'm not loving the incessant sneezing and sniffling though.

I miss the girls a whole lot!

I'm thinking of taking Gray to KidsPark in the morning and rest. I'm expending a lot of energy cleaning and I could use a couple of hours to just sit and stitch or knit. I can do more cleaning in the afternoon while he naps. 

Friday was the last day of school for the kids.

I get a month break until classes start for me. RSC ran out of rooms in the dorms on campus, but I was able to snag a room at Sac State for the three weeks. It will be something like a 15-20 minute commute (I think), getting to the freeway will be the worst bit (I think), and the drive will be reverse commute (I think). I am really looking forward to it. I think as exhausting it will be, it will be AWESOME!!!

Ike and I calculated that we have 94 days of vacation. It seems like so much time, and yet not enough time at all.

Ike starts therapy tomorrow. Two weeks of intensive, non-invasive in home therapy. I hope this helps him as the $10k we will shell out for the 2 weeks is really going to hurt. But I'm pretty confident it will.

Elli and Gwen leave with my mom for a week tomorrow. They are off to go and visit Joe's parents and sister. I'm really going to miss my girls!

I have ideas of the things I want to accomplish this summer, tasks to clear off my to-do list, skills to work on with Ike (multiplication tables, handwriting, reading) and fun things to do with the kids. And I'm not sure how in the hell I'm going to fit it all in.

I want time to rest and recover, in some ways I feel so, so drained....and I want to become a gym rat. I want to hit the gym 3 days a week.

I want to know what in the hell I'll be teaching in the fall (if anything besides Handwork)...so I can prep for that.

I want to spend time with my husband.

I want to spend time with my extended family and my family of choice. I want to surround myself with those who love me and my family.

I want this to be a good, recharge time. And a time to purge! (and here I just bought more yarn! =))

So many goals, so many ideas, not a plan in sight.

Ut.

I just got my acceptance letter from Rudolf Steiner College! I'll be off to Fair Oaks for three weeks in July! Woot!!

Now just to figure out how to pay for it....

I meant to write this last week....I got busy. Sue me. =)

On May 10, 2011 I woke up determined to make a change. There are things I want to do. There are things I want to accomplish. There are places I want to go. I can't do that in this sized body. In one year I lost 35 lbs. Officially kept of over 20 (i.e. never bounced above a 20 lb loss) and on the one year anniversary I was 29 lbs lighter than I had been the year before. As of this morning, its 30 lbs.

Part of me goes "Dammit! Only 30 lbs in a freaking year? Why can't you do better than that you fat slob? Slacker!"
Another part of me goes "Hey. Not bad. Slow and steady wins the race. That's over a 1/2 a lb a week. The weight that comes down slow, stays off. Its working. Just keep at it."

I'm trying to listen to the second part more.

But it's hard. The first part is louder, and really? Its a chorus.

What did I learn in a year?
-I am seriously addicted to sugar. I can tolerate small amounts at a time (a single cookie, a small serving of ice cream, a single truffle) and not trigger the binge cycle. I also need to wait 2-3 days before having another bit or else I trigger the cycle. But overall, sugar makes me feel awful.
-Calorie loading in the morning with a nutrient dense smoothie at Breakfast works awesome.
-A really light dinner makes me feel good too. (Especially if I eat before I feed the children. When I'm fed, I can deal with Dinnertime with them much easier. Makes it a more pleasant experience for everyone.)
-So does not eating after 8PM.
-Movement and strength training, while it sucks while doing them, I like the results.
-Sleep is seriously important. If I'm tired, I crave comfort food.
-a liter of water in the morning is difficult to drink...but creates a great foundation for the day.
-Going Grain free is a serious pain in the ass! I thought Gluten Free was bad. Sheesh! But....I do feel better when I avoid them...all of them. Grains are a treat now. Oh...and I can no longer tolerate whole grain rice...its what sent me to the ER back in December. (Subsequent exposure has confirmed this) Rice turned into flour? No problem!
-Potato free is beyond insane. And I don't feel any different when I avoid them.
-I can choose to say no thanks. (this one is huge)

So, my goal from May 10, 2012 to May 10, 2013 is to repeat the exercise. I'll take another 30 lb drop. It gets me closer to where I want to be.