Jen's Mental Scribblings

Today is day 4 of Ski Week. Ike's had this whole week off...so I've had to entertain my kids, all day, for the last few days, all by myself. Joe had the three day weekend, but the kids were sick, so we couldn't do anything fun, and it was raining, which didn't make it any easier. We stayed home and vegged...they were happy to do so.

Tuesday afternoon I took them to Bounce-a-Rama...that was a big success. I spent most of the afternoon sitting down on a bench reading a book. The only downside is that I spent a good chunk of the afternoon insisting that we were not playing video games, so go play.

( Exceedingly long and terse summary of yesterday. )

Quick summary for those who skipped the cut. Yesterday was waaaaay too much running around and royally sucked.

So I figured out that I needed to do something with the kids today. Yes its beautiful out (finally) however, everything is still soaked and could use another couple of days to dry out. I called a friend to see if she was available to help me kid chase this afternoon. Decide to go to the gym and stitch, then take the kids to a newish Round Table Pizza with a big indoor playground. And hopefully swing by the Chiropractor to get adjusted.

That was the plan anyway.

But we all know that no plan survives contact with the enemy.

( Another long ramble about the day thus far... )

I doubt that they can stay out of trouble for very long though...these are my kids...into everything.

I'm somewhat frustrated with myself and my life right now. Essentially for Ike's entire life, I've been sick for one reason or another. I've not been able to be the Mom I want to be. For example, out of the first 12 out the last 18 months I had energy to do fun things with them, but had an injury that prevented me from doing so. For the last 6, the injury cleared up, but my energy just went out the door. I'm tired of feeling like they are getting the short end of the stick from me. I didn't want to be a mom who looks for every opportunity to get rid of her kids and avoid spending time with them. I love them to death and wished I enjoyed being around them more than I do. I do recognize that there's been extenuating circumstances that prevents me from being how I wish I were...but its starting to feel more and more like an excuse...I'm tired of saying no Mama can't. I know it will fix itself...but I can't help but wonder if its too late for Ike.

So overall Ike has been doing well in school. Its taken him some time to adjust, he has his good days and his bad. I've been pleased with the progress I've been seeing.

Its been frustrating on some fronts because Ike and his teacher have been hamstrung from the beginning. The Special Ed Preschool Program never forwarded his file. They knew he attended the program for his speech delay. What they didn't know until recently was that he has the Sensory Perception problems, the social problems (though they figured that one out), and some emotional (quick to anger, aggressive, and about 20% behind his peers on an emotional scale) But the teacher has been REALLY proactive, recently consulting with the kindergarden special-ed teacher and got him some things to help him self-soothe and control him self. (air cushion, silent figets, etc.) I thought everything was going well.

Then I got a phone call from the school counselor on Friday.

It seems that Ike's teacher hit the random numbers jackpot. She got three high-maintenance kids like Ike. Ike they should have known about (his needs were documented...but documents were never shared correctly)...the other two...just landed in her room by random chance. The school counselor called to talk about Ike, and to specifically ask our permission to move Ike out of his teacher's room to another (standard) kindergarden classroom. The new teacher is in the next room and is a former special-ed kindergarden teacher. So she is very equipped to help Ike grow. Ike's current teacher declined to choose who should move. The school counselor chose to move Ike after observation because unlike the other two, Ike doesn't seem have independent temper tantrums. He's set off by the other two (did I mention that these three boys are best friends?).  The counselor feels that by moving Ike to a room without any other high maintenance students, Ike will do MUCH better. And, I agree.

I do have however, several reservations.

Ike does transitions, well, poorly. Its taken him the first two months of school to finally settle into the routine. I am reluctant to change that routine. For example, if I got a call from the charter school that space opened up, I'd refuse the space just because I don't want to upset his routine...mid-year changes are rough for any kid, and I think it would affect Ike even worse than what would be considered usual.

Ike's been having self-image problems. He is semi-convinced he's not lovable because he's a "bad boy". That comment back in September about how he needs to go to the Doctor 'cause his bones are naughty was funny then...its not so funny now after getting him to admit what was bugging him. Last month he admitted that he didn't think that Joe nor I loved him because he is so naughty. I've been working hard on changing that opinion, but I admit, I could do MUCH better. I lose my temper with him way to easily and I get very frustrated with him. I think I'm doing better, but as with most things, there's room (a LOT!) for improvement.

He LOVES his teacher. And she is just fabulous with him. I'm afraid the move will make him think his teacher doesn't love him anymore and wants to get rid of him. I sent her an email this afternoon letting her know about my reservations and this whole negative self image as an unlovable bad boy. I'm  hoping we can come up with a solution that makes this transition as painless as possible for Ike.

So the question remains...why don't they move one of the other boys. Well, they really can't move two kids. One of them switched schools about 3 weeks into the school year already, they don't want to move him again. And if they move the other and leave Ike and the first kid, Ike will still get set off by kid #1. Thus not really improving Ike's situation. The teacher is still left with 2 high maintanence kids, no matter which kid is moved.

So I'm kinda torn on the whole thing. I'm mad at the Pre-school because the paper work didn't get transfered properly so that when the current school was making classroom assignments before school started, they didn't have Ike's whole picture of needs. I'm mad at our current school because they have a rigid parental hands-off policy concerning classroom assignments. I tried getting in there to talk to someone about Ike's needs and they brushed me off. If they had taken the time to  listen to me, Ike might have been put in the correct classroom, with a teacher who understands special needs, the first time. I'm upset for Ike, because I'm afraid this will be excessively traumatic for him.

The next few weeks will be very interesting. In the Chinese sense of the word.

So Ike is in the Federal Preschool program 2 days a week. That's it, that's all. He receives speech therapy and occupational therapy while at school. He's also been diagnosed recently with some Sensory Processing Problems (hyper-sensitive hearing, hypo-sensitive touch, and under-responsive to movement (i.e. he needs to move. A lot.)) Which is a good thing, the bad thing is that his problems are bad enough to be annoying, but not enough to receive services above and beyond the times when the OT works with the entire class.

So, a couple of months ago at the IEP meeting, Ike's teacher told me to enroll him in another preschool another 2-3 days a week. He will be mainstreamed into a normal classroom next year for kindergarten, and she said he needed some more practice learning to behave in a normal classroom setting. She recommended the Parks and Rec program or the Y. Since I'm a member of the Y, I went there.

Before I enrolled him in school, I talked to the director. I told her about his speech delays, his resulting behavior problems that we are having (i.e. agression, inability to follow instructions...you know. Normal 4 year old behavior), his sensory processing problems, how we are working on mainstreaming him to a normal classroom, and that the FPP teacher said Ike needed practice learning to behave in a classroom. I asked. Is this a good fit for him. Will you be willing to work with him. He's going to be work for you. Her response? "Oh yes, we are willing to work with him."

Its turning out that their definition of working with him are completely different than mine. Their idea of working with him is suspending him for multiple days from the program. Can anyone explain to me how suspending a 4 year old is going to help him improve his behavior? Yes, he's aggressive, I warned them that that was going to be their main problem. I took him back to school today (after a nearly 2 week absence) and the director of the school said "He can't stay until you've had a meeting with my boss back at the Y". Great.  I load him back into the car and drive to the Y.

I find the Grand-Supervisor and asked if it was a good time. She said not really, because she wanted to meet with me and the Director, but she'd talk with just me now. She basically said the same thing over and over. He's aggressive, its unprovoked, he's picking on one little boy and that suspension is a safety issue. I pointed out that one of the teachers is telling me privately that the other teacher and the director are over-reacting, that he's behaving normally for a kid that age, and that its not really a big deal. "He was just trying to be nice" She couldn't answer how suspension is supposed to make an impression on a 4 year old. She told me I should have punished him on the days he was supposed to be at school. He's 4. Like he remembers an incident that happened 10 days ago. Please.

Safety issue was her basic response, so I asked, what are you willing to do to keep working with him? Further suspensions if new strategies don't work. So instead of dealing with him (like they said they would) they are going to shunt him aside so they don't have to deal with him. Grrrrr.

Needless to say, I'm not happy. I pointed out that if they weren't willing to work with a kid like Ike, they should have told me before I enrolled him. Suspension is not working with the problem, its not practice-learning how to behave in a classroom, which is why I brought him to their school in the first place.

So I am going to pull him out of the Y program tomorrow and demand my money back for the month, considering I paid for the whole month, I only got 3 days of school. They can pro-rate it.

So now I'm on the hunt for a new preschool. I've looked at 2 already and wasn't too happy. One was too lax, and other was too regimented. But there are other schools in the area, so I'll keep looking. I'm not sure what the right fit will be. Everyone keeps asking me "Aren't there any preschools who deal with kids like Ike?" Yea, its called the school district and Ike is already attending, and no, I can't send him more days because its not even an option.  (Your tax dollars at work!)

Most of the preschools around here are all about the academics. What they can teach the kids that will help them succeed academically at school! Frankly, I don't care about that. Ike is smart enough, he'll pick up any academic subject fairly easy. Ike needs a school where they will let him focus on social and emotional achievment. I want to see "Plays well with others" I don't care about "Can count to 100" that will come quick enough. *sigh* What in the hell happened in letting kids be kids while they are kids? When I went to Kindergarten, it was all about well, this. What happened? I don't like it. But that's another rant for another day.

I also think I need to track down an OT in the area and get him some therapy. Yes, its annoying enough to interfere with our day and his ability to play well with others. To me that means he needs services, but the district guidelines say otherwise. There's one in Gilroy, but that's a drive and a half with the girls in tow. I need to find someone more local.

And yes, I still plan on enrolling the girls in a different Y preschool (there's one at the elementary school where they will be going) than the one Ike is at now, next fall. They are a bit more mellow and aren't nearly as aggressive. They should fit in just fine.

I went to Costco and searched the aisles for Claritin-D. None there. Not even a slot. I then see the sign "Due to Federal Regulations, the following drugs are now in the pharmacy" Fuck. Needless to say, Claritin-D was on the list.

I go to the pharmacy and ask for my drugs. There's a form to fill out. Not only do they ask for my drivers license but they want me to sign the bloody thing as well, agreeing that I'm not going to use it to make illegal drugs. And then to top it off, I had to pay for it right then and there. What the fuck is up with that?

If they are going to make such a big hassle out of getting a decongestant, they should make the damn thing under a prescription again. At least at that point, I could get a frickin' 90 day supply without being hassled and for my $10.00 co-pay. Sheesh!