Ike just breaks my heart sometimes.
Apr. 6th, 2009 07:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aelfieSo apparently there was an "altercation" at the YMCA after school care this afternoon.
One of his friends broke a (minor) rule, the adults in charge didn't see it, so when he was done going to the bathroom, he came out and scratched his friend in the face and drew blood (I feel a bit responsible for that...I forgot to trim hisclaws fingernails before sending him to school.)
We've sent him to his room for the evening (he is SERIOUSLY overtired, which hampers his ability to control himself.), and took away his beloved Hot Wheels, and talked to him about making amends to his victim.
This is the part that almost had me in tears.
"I wanna stay home. I don't wanna go to school anymore, everyone calls me a bully. I'm a bad boy and I'm naughty all the time at school. I'm tired of it."
Damn near brought me to tears.
Do all kids struggle this hard at being good/behaving? Ike has internalized the belief that he's a "bad boy". I'm not sure who told him that he's a bad boy...but he definitely believes it. And he repeats it. Way too often for me to be comfortable. Sometimes I think he uses it as a crutch...but other times...its almost like he realizes something is different. His current teacher summed it up..."He wants to be a friend badly, but can't seem to be able to figure out how."
We are in the process of having him screened by Kaiser for Aspergers...some of it fits. The aggression, the sleep problems, the self care problems, the social awkwardness. He doesn't have the advanced verbal skills of those "Little Professors" nor is he physically clumsy...he has great gross motor skills, but sometimes he doesn't seem to realize what he's doing with his body...and he has very little concept of personal space. I don't know....I was recently reading one account of life with an Aspie kid in school described Ike to a T. The concept of that they are trying so hard to hold it together at school (i.e. its too loud, too busy, too many distractions, etc etc)...that not only do they have a hard time learning, but once they get home (where its safe), they explode. And he does. Especially on a YMCA day...he is such a bear on those days. Today was the first incident at the Y...and I'm glad its temporary.
And I know he hasn't been getting enough sleep...you can just tell he's tired, and that he's having a hard time coping with life in general because of it. The good thing about grounding him to his room this evening is that I got him to pass out a good hour earlier than usual. I'm hoping that will improve his demeanor. We need to make a more concentrated effort to get him to bed earlier...we should probably start at 7:30 instead of 8.
He seems to struggle so much...and it hurts to watch.
One of his friends broke a (minor) rule, the adults in charge didn't see it, so when he was done going to the bathroom, he came out and scratched his friend in the face and drew blood (I feel a bit responsible for that...I forgot to trim his
We've sent him to his room for the evening (he is SERIOUSLY overtired, which hampers his ability to control himself.), and took away his beloved Hot Wheels, and talked to him about making amends to his victim.
This is the part that almost had me in tears.
"I wanna stay home. I don't wanna go to school anymore, everyone calls me a bully. I'm a bad boy and I'm naughty all the time at school. I'm tired of it."
Damn near brought me to tears.
Do all kids struggle this hard at being good/behaving? Ike has internalized the belief that he's a "bad boy". I'm not sure who told him that he's a bad boy...but he definitely believes it. And he repeats it. Way too often for me to be comfortable. Sometimes I think he uses it as a crutch...but other times...its almost like he realizes something is different. His current teacher summed it up..."He wants to be a friend badly, but can't seem to be able to figure out how."
We are in the process of having him screened by Kaiser for Aspergers...some of it fits. The aggression, the sleep problems, the self care problems, the social awkwardness. He doesn't have the advanced verbal skills of those "Little Professors" nor is he physically clumsy...he has great gross motor skills, but sometimes he doesn't seem to realize what he's doing with his body...and he has very little concept of personal space. I don't know....I was recently reading one account of life with an Aspie kid in school described Ike to a T. The concept of that they are trying so hard to hold it together at school (i.e. its too loud, too busy, too many distractions, etc etc)...that not only do they have a hard time learning, but once they get home (where its safe), they explode. And he does. Especially on a YMCA day...he is such a bear on those days. Today was the first incident at the Y...and I'm glad its temporary.
And I know he hasn't been getting enough sleep...you can just tell he's tired, and that he's having a hard time coping with life in general because of it. The good thing about grounding him to his room this evening is that I got him to pass out a good hour earlier than usual. I'm hoping that will improve his demeanor. We need to make a more concentrated effort to get him to bed earlier...we should probably start at 7:30 instead of 8.
He seems to struggle so much...and it hurts to watch.
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no subject
Date: 2009-04-07 05:16 am (UTC)The "bad boy" comments ("bad" because he can't seem to follow everyone else's example, teacher saying he can't figure out how to be a friend) are pretty good indicators.
This also could explain my observation of him ALWAYS watching everyone around him very intensely...as if he's trying to figure out the rules.
You have my permission to tell him that Auntie Allan thought he was a bad boy too until he talked to his parents, just like Ike is talking to you.
The difference is that Asperger's wasn't a diagnosed illness in Chicago in 1968. I suggest that you allow yourself to feel a little hope that here and now, we DO know about Asperger's, there IS a body of knowledge and documentation on it, and it IS possible to get Ike precisely the help he needs.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-07 05:43 am (UTC)We go to play therapy once a week. Ostensibly it's because my children do not talk much, but also because I feel their socialization is subpar. I hope there's something like that for Ike. My kids just think they're going to play.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-07 09:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-07 03:45 pm (UTC)I've a long ramble about parental help/interference/management of child development thanks to an Aunt who never learned when to stop. Since I don't think that's an issue for you, I'll save those stories for days when you can laugh about it.
Keep talking to that teacher, for it sounds like he/she has a rather good hold on it, and likely has ideas that can assist you two in finding the right mix for Ike, of therapy and coping skills (as appropriate.)
And keep doing what you're doing. The right balance of help, love, and discipline (when you find it) may not solve the problem for him, but it will help.