I hate being sick

[aelfie]

It makes me maudlin, and cranky, and depressed.

I swear head colds are the worst. Sinus pain, runny nose, sore throat. Bleh.

Lately I've been feeling less than successful at parenting. Too much yelling and screaming going on. The last couple of days I've been fighting the "I'm a horrible mother, I shouldn't be responsible for these people 'cause I'll just fuck them up, et cetera, et cetera". In other words, I've been really down on myself the last few days (being sick has absolutely nothing, whatsoever to do with this.) (Riiiiiight.)

Anyway. I was meditating last night while nursing Gray, and I heard the still, quiet voice. "You are worthy." Its been resonating and reverbrating in my brain all day. And it really has helped put me at ease. I'm not a bad mother. I still hear my Step-mother's voice every once in awhile, and I hear it loudest at times like these when I'm down on myself, what I heard last night, has helped greatly to shut her up.

Its nice that the Universe hasn't had to continue to smack me upside the head to get its message to me. I guess I'm finally learning to listen.

Comments

[airporter.livejournal.com]

Trust Allan. He'd say it. As an added bonus, he'd try and be tactful too.

I like that you're actually concerned about being a good parent, hon. It's like going crazy: it's when you don't ask the question that you're likely screwing up.

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

Its that always striving thing isn't it. When you think you've gotten "there" something humbling will come along and show you, you've got more work to do.

I've got a lot of work to do as a parent...

But today was a great day! No screaming! Some yelling, but absolutely no screaming! Go Me! =)