Observation Journal Entry #14
Mar. 15th, 2013 06:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aelfieWe had a truncated morning lesson today. We joined in a craft project with the 6th grade. We made cards and pins for the local police department for St. Patrick's day. I got the job of working the hot glue gun. Very little interaction with the students, they were busy with this project and the class teachers and parent volunteer were working discipline. Although I did get to chat a bit with the students near me, (including an inquisitive 6th grader who asked all sorts of generic questions of me. Am I a student teacher, how long would I be here, do I live locally, do I have kids, etc, etc). Basically, they worked independently for the half morning the 5th graders had for morning lesson. Then a switch to their classroom for the Fifth Graders to take Spanish.
Ms. R and I left and went down to the faculty lounge. I made a quick call for clarification to PWE. (Glad I did! I did not know the existence of the Rubric! Makes me EXTREMELY glad I've been journaling daily out of my own need. I'd be in a world of hurt if I just saw that rubric today!) Then we had a discussion.
One of the things that I have really appreciated about this internship is that it has removed some of the veils I placed on Waldorf Education before now. When we come to Waldorf as parents we are in awe of these wise, knowledgeable teachers who know all this woo woo stuff that's hard to understand and contrary to normal society but rings true in our hearts. When I started I still fell into the belief that the Art of Teaching was the art on the walls, chalkboards, and the materials the children used. Now I am beginning to understand the Art is the weaving of the social sphere. It's not just the teaching the children to do things (although I know, Astrid keeps telling us, we don't teach them things, we teach them capacities), it's teaching them to get along and become better people through the teaching of the things. I've also made the realization that teachers are still PEOPLE. Messy, hurt, confused people who are muddling through as best as they can...just as I am. That made me feel so much better. The teachers have been allowed to step down from the pedestal I put them on. I thought my brokenness was an oddity. But now I see, it makes me one of the gang. We are all working through our issues. We are helping children do the same whether we really know what the hell we are supposed to be doing or not. It's like parenting. I can only do my best, and pray that it's enough. And hope to God that they realize someday that I was trying my best and forgive me my mistakes. 'cause I know I'm going to make them and probably make a lot of them. But even knowing that, gives me the impetus, to keep going, keep striving, to be that broken adult and get up every day and do my best.
The other realization I came upon this week that is ringing true in my heart. The whole Grail Stream vs. The Arthurian Stream. Brian explained that the journey of the Grail knight is the solitary journey. It is the striving of the individual to grow. The Arthurian Knight is one of the group, striving together to bring an impulse out. Homeschooling is definitely the stream of the Grail. It is the parent working alone, sometimes in a unsupportive environment to master oneself and grow. Being a member of the faculty is stream of the Round Table. A group of people (hopefully!) working together to bring the impulse out into the community. I am not a Grail Knight. The solitary journey is too isolating for me. I die a little each day, and my work suffers. I work better as a Knight of the Round Table. The companionship and support from my comrades who are all striving for the same thing gives me the energy to keep striving. This was a comforting realization that I am on the right path. Even though I'm exhausted, even though I'm tired...I am energized the moment I step onto that campus. It's not something I feel at home. And I am glad that I know this, truly know this now. It's made it all worth it. Now the challenge is to not be crabby at my children once I'm off campus! Knowing that is good too. As is knowing that I have a truly loving and supportive husband, because by the time he gets home, I've got nothing left for him. I collapse in bed once he's home. I miss him. He misses me. This is not sustainable in the long run...I'll have to find balance.
Mrs. R and I also talked about Monday. I said I'd love to take over AFTER we come inside. I'm not sure how to run the whole jump roping thing as I've been focused too much on swinging my own ropes and observing individual children. And frankly haven't been paying too much attention to what Mrs. R's been doing with her rope. (My Chiropractor is truly impressed with how hurt and tender my shoulders are. Note to self. Swinging double dutch ropes daily for 20-30 minutes wrecks havoc on repetitive strain injuries. Ow.) But I'm fairly confident about everything else afterwards. We discussed my ideas on the review, I promised I'd get the next draft of the dictation to her tomorrow. I think it will be a good way to cap my week as we have a normal day on Tuesday, and then a field trip on Wednesday and Thursday will be my last day in their classroom. Friday there is a demo teach for a prospective teacher and it's not appropriate for me to be there, so I will be observing the Third Grade that morning. Which should be fun! The teacher is a long time, master teacher and I'm looking forward to seeing how that class is run.
I also got some advice on how to fix my picture. I think it looks MUCH better!
Turns out if you want it to be spooky...you've got to make everything dark. Go figure.
And a quick picture for the plant lovers.
It's over the roof! My goodness! How much bigger will it get? Mrs. R hopes that the flowers bloom soon. Break starts next Friday and we don't want to miss the show. This thing is going to look VERY impressive once it blooms.
Ms. R and I left and went down to the faculty lounge. I made a quick call for clarification to PWE. (Glad I did! I did not know the existence of the Rubric! Makes me EXTREMELY glad I've been journaling daily out of my own need. I'd be in a world of hurt if I just saw that rubric today!) Then we had a discussion.
One of the things that I have really appreciated about this internship is that it has removed some of the veils I placed on Waldorf Education before now. When we come to Waldorf as parents we are in awe of these wise, knowledgeable teachers who know all this woo woo stuff that's hard to understand and contrary to normal society but rings true in our hearts. When I started I still fell into the belief that the Art of Teaching was the art on the walls, chalkboards, and the materials the children used. Now I am beginning to understand the Art is the weaving of the social sphere. It's not just the teaching the children to do things (although I know, Astrid keeps telling us, we don't teach them things, we teach them capacities), it's teaching them to get along and become better people through the teaching of the things. I've also made the realization that teachers are still PEOPLE. Messy, hurt, confused people who are muddling through as best as they can...just as I am. That made me feel so much better. The teachers have been allowed to step down from the pedestal I put them on. I thought my brokenness was an oddity. But now I see, it makes me one of the gang. We are all working through our issues. We are helping children do the same whether we really know what the hell we are supposed to be doing or not. It's like parenting. I can only do my best, and pray that it's enough. And hope to God that they realize someday that I was trying my best and forgive me my mistakes. 'cause I know I'm going to make them and probably make a lot of them. But even knowing that, gives me the impetus, to keep going, keep striving, to be that broken adult and get up every day and do my best.
The other realization I came upon this week that is ringing true in my heart. The whole Grail Stream vs. The Arthurian Stream. Brian explained that the journey of the Grail knight is the solitary journey. It is the striving of the individual to grow. The Arthurian Knight is one of the group, striving together to bring an impulse out. Homeschooling is definitely the stream of the Grail. It is the parent working alone, sometimes in a unsupportive environment to master oneself and grow. Being a member of the faculty is stream of the Round Table. A group of people (hopefully!) working together to bring the impulse out into the community. I am not a Grail Knight. The solitary journey is too isolating for me. I die a little each day, and my work suffers. I work better as a Knight of the Round Table. The companionship and support from my comrades who are all striving for the same thing gives me the energy to keep striving. This was a comforting realization that I am on the right path. Even though I'm exhausted, even though I'm tired...I am energized the moment I step onto that campus. It's not something I feel at home. And I am glad that I know this, truly know this now. It's made it all worth it. Now the challenge is to not be crabby at my children once I'm off campus! Knowing that is good too. As is knowing that I have a truly loving and supportive husband, because by the time he gets home, I've got nothing left for him. I collapse in bed once he's home. I miss him. He misses me. This is not sustainable in the long run...I'll have to find balance.
Mrs. R and I also talked about Monday. I said I'd love to take over AFTER we come inside. I'm not sure how to run the whole jump roping thing as I've been focused too much on swinging my own ropes and observing individual children. And frankly haven't been paying too much attention to what Mrs. R's been doing with her rope. (My Chiropractor is truly impressed with how hurt and tender my shoulders are. Note to self. Swinging double dutch ropes daily for 20-30 minutes wrecks havoc on repetitive strain injuries. Ow.) But I'm fairly confident about everything else afterwards. We discussed my ideas on the review, I promised I'd get the next draft of the dictation to her tomorrow. I think it will be a good way to cap my week as we have a normal day on Tuesday, and then a field trip on Wednesday and Thursday will be my last day in their classroom. Friday there is a demo teach for a prospective teacher and it's not appropriate for me to be there, so I will be observing the Third Grade that morning. Which should be fun! The teacher is a long time, master teacher and I'm looking forward to seeing how that class is run.
I also got some advice on how to fix my picture. I think it looks MUCH better!
Turns out if you want it to be spooky...you've got to make everything dark. Go figure.
And a quick picture for the plant lovers.
It's over the roof! My goodness! How much bigger will it get? Mrs. R hopes that the flowers bloom soon. Break starts next Friday and we don't want to miss the show. This thing is going to look VERY impressive once it blooms.
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Date: 2013-03-16 03:58 am (UTC)yes, yes, yes.