Jen's Mental Scribblings

pushing his luck.

He took my keys and deliberately cracked the screen on my 3 month old laptop.

Its going to cost approx $400 (half of what it cost) to fix. Because I'm stupid. I didn't buy the accident insurance ("What do I need it for. Its going to live on my desk") Well, now I know why I need the accident insurance, and at least the only good thing is that I can buy it now. This accident won't be covered, but the next one will.

Grrrr. That child.

I'll give him credit. He fessed up to it after initially blaming his sisters. It took a lot of courage for him to do so, and I praised him for it.

Now I've got to come up with an extensive list of chores for him to do to make up for it.

I knew Ike was pretty skinny, but I didn't realize he is THAT skinny.

He just put on a pair of GRAYSON's knit pants.

And they fit in the waist.

It was a bit of a stretch (intended) in the legs...but there was room in the waist!!!!

Day one new habit.

I turned off my computer.

I'm trying to cut down the kids "screen" time. No TV while the sun is up. So in fairness, and in an effort to be a more mindful parent, I'm turning off my computer when I go to bed. And I won't reboot until kids go to sleep at night.

Only took me an hour to go through all the various things I need want to read.

I have to admit. It feels strange not to be able to sit down and kill 45 30 20 10 5 minutes when the kids are involved in something.

Made for a somewhat smoother day.

We shall see how tomorrow goes.

Also all other new habits I'm trying to instill in the kids seem to be going well. (brushing teeth, prayers, putting PJ's under pillows, making beds (those last two just the girls, I must get it together with Ike) proper table manners, Helper of Day.) We've moved their bedtime back a half an hour again (now we start with brushing and changing clothes at ~ 6:30), and I'm not seeing anybody getting up any earlier than usual. Makes it that all 3 (sometimes 4) are asleep by 7:15-7:30. (Last few nights Gray has taken a short (30 min) nap around 4-5 PM...so he's been up to 9PM)

Took Ike to a different Developmental Optomitrist today (since the first wants me to spend $8K without insurance, we are getting a second opinion). Fellow Aggie (makes me feel warm and fuzzy), and all she did today was take the most extensive eye exam I've ever seen. She didn't even start the Developmental exam, that's a two hour appt on thursday! it took over an hour today. And she caught the fact that Ike over-crosses his eyes for closeup work. So Ike got to pick out his first pair of glasses. He only needs them for reading, schoolwork, and computer work. Bonus, today's visit covered by insurance, so todays appt and glasses were covered and reasonable. No clue if thursday's appt is covered or not, I'll be asking.

Okay, Now I'm off to bed....long day tomorrow, restless teething baby tonight.

So a few weeks back I posted part of my nightly prayers. Part of which includes the idea of wanting my children to grow deep roots so that they bend instead of breaking at what live throws them.

I recently realized. Autism is Ike's path of growing roots. So instead continuing to complain at the Universe for choosing my child to suffer this particular difficulty, I'm recognizing whats going on. This is the path Ike must walk. Its kinda bumpy, with some wild curves. And without open eyes and some help, it can be a treacherous one.

It hurts. Its hard to watch and damn hard to navigate. But, there's lots of room for all of us to grow roots.

But I learned to knit yesterday for a good reason.

Joe and I decided to Homeschool Ike next year.

Why? For several reasons.

One of the most important is time. Ike isn't figuring out how to read. I don't think its that important for a Kindergartner to read, in fact, I think its quite ridiculous to teach reading to kids that young. Some kids (especially boys) just aren't ready, and it stresses them out unnecessarily to push it on them. And we are seeing that reaction to the pressure at home. Ike hates school and says he's dumb because he can't learn to read. I know Ike is a smart boy, he will figure it out. But schools are no longer set up to give the kids the time they need to figure it out.

Another is one of my original objections to public school (although to be honest, most schools are like this now). They teach to the test. There is so much pressure on the schools to show quantifiable proof that they are "educating" our children, I think waaaaaay too many important things get thrown aside. Like art, PE, time to play, time to be a kid. I hate the fact that Ike has HOMEWORK! WTF? Kinders don't need homework, and I don't need a stupid sheet to prove that I'm reading to my kid every day. Hello? Librarian! There are two serious Bibliophiles in this house...that is not a problem. (Getting them to pay attention while I read, that's the problem).

I know, I can hear you asking "What about a private school?" Too damned expensive. And the majority of the private schools in this area are even bigger pressure cookers than the public schools. (Something about “Not challenging the kids enough”) Ike needs less pressure (but still structure and rhythm), not more! There are a couple I’d be willing (hell, I’d love it) to send him to. One is Los Altos at the tune of $17K a year, one in Santa Cruz at $12K a year, and one in Campbell at $15K a year. I don’t think so!

And one of the last, which had the hugest impact and prompted me to research my options, Ike’s Kinder teacher turned to me at one of our Parent/Teacher conferences, looked me in the eye and stated flatly “Do NOT send Ike here for 1st grade. He won’t thrive, he won’t survive, and it won’t be good for him. Send him somewhere else.” He’s too physically active and too strongly a kinetic learner for the normal classroom.

Well, damn. Hard to ignore that. She conceded that the local Charter would be slightly better, but since he didn’t get in (again), the question is moot.

So, for the last few months I have been reading everything about homeschooling I could get my hands on. And with ILL, I’ve read A LOT recently. I’ve been researching different curriculums, and recently made a choice and purchased what I need for next year. We will be using the Oak Meadow curriculum. I liked it because the pace of the curriculum is MUCH slower. It’s heavily focused on art and nature. Ike does best when he’s outside, so catering to this strength makes sense. I also recently figured out that it’s also a Waldorf program, so recently I’ve been reading up a lot on the Waldorf method. (Two of the private schools that I’d love to send him to are Waldorf…why in the hell don’t we have a Waldorf school in the South Bay? There are FOUR up in Sac…why don’t we have one here? Not that I could afford it anyway….)

So, what in the hell does this have to do with me learning to knit yesterday? Part of the 1st grade curriculum is knitting. I don’t know how, so I needed to learn. Ike watched me practicing yesterday and has already asked that I teach him (YES! I knew it would work that way. Ike, hell, my kids, never want to learn anything unless and until they catch me doing it. Then they want to learn.) I like it, but I don’t see myself knitting clothes (although socks are kinda cool, but sweaters? Nah.) I spent time after class looking at the patterns for knitting toys (there’s some pretty cool ones) I’m also having to teach myself how to draw. I don’t know how, so I stink. I looked at several different books from the library, picked one and got it in the mail yesterday (Drawing with Children by Mona Brookes). I also took a workshop class last week on how to keep Nature Journals. (Not necessarily part of the curriculum, but something I’m swiping from the Charlotte Mason Camp of Homeschooling, it will dovetail nicely I think). I’ve gathered the supplies for those, and just need to start sitting in the backyard keeping my journal until the kids ask for their own

So far this is the thing I like most about this “Homeschooling” thing. Already it’s forcing me to grow beyond my comfort zone. To learn new things, and to stretch myself. I haven’t even started yet, but the preparation is making me learn. And I’m actually kinda excited about the whole thing.

I have several friends who Homeschool their own kids, so we have a built in social network. The Silicon Valley has some of the largest and most active Homeschool groups in the country, so there will be lots to do, lots of people to meet, we won’t be alone.

We’ve thought this out, I have a plan of action. We will thrive!

Back in February Ike had what is known as ski week. A week off from school for no particular reason. With my energy levels being where they were, I just about went crazy keeping Ike entertained. Ike is currently on Easter Break, I determined back in February that I wasn't going to keep him home for another week. There had to be a place where I could send him.

Lucky for me I found that the City of San Jose ran a Spring Break Camp out of our Library from 9-3 all this week for $188.00. I can live with that. I signed him up!

I have to admit I was a bit apprehensive in sending him. He can be aggressive and moody, but he's been loving it! Lots of smiles and laughter and on Tuesday, Ike was named Camper of the Day. The head counselor came up to me when I picked him up and told me that he'd been picked and added "You have a fabulous kid. Ike is very enthusiastic, he's helpful, he is just awesome!" That just made my month, I swear.

So, what happened today you ask?

Today, the camp went on a field trip to Sky High Sports. A place I've never heard of, but is perfect for him. A place that is not only wall-to-wall trampolines, but the walls are trampolines too. (Check out the web page...cool video!)

Anyway, I went to go pick him up and got to the Library/Community Center about 10 minutes before I'm supposed to pick him up. I asked at the info desk where they were (they keep moving around the building for pick up and drop off) and was told they got stuck in traffic, it should be another 15-20 minutes. No problem, the girls and I went to the library, returned and picked up some more books.

At quarter after we went to go get him, the lobby was filled with kids and it was obvious that they had just arrived. I went to the room where they were setting up, and no Ike.

The head counselor said that all the kids stuff was upstairs in the other room, most of them had gone up to get it, and that he'd go get Ike.

I sat down and waited. And waited. Aaaaaaaand waited.

He comes back in the room, looking worried and says "I found him, and he's okay!"

My curiosity getting piqued I ask "What happened?"

"Well he fell asleep on the way back, and we woke him up to get off the bus, but he must of fallen back over on the seat 'cause we missed him and he's still on the bus. But he's on his way back!"

I burst out laughing. He was relieved.

Apparently, when the bus hit a pot hole, Ike bumped his head on the wall of the bus. Which woke him up enough to realize that the bus was empty and moving. He proceeded to scare the crap out of the driver asking him where everybody went. So they turned around and came back to the Library.

A bunch of the counselors, and the girls and I were waiting on the curb and laughing as they pulled up. Ike got off the bus and went to the head counselor "You forgot me! I'll see you tomorrow!"

Two hours later, as I'm writing this up I'm realizing how much this situation could have been a complete FUBAR, but as I told the Director, "No harm, no Foul. He now has a great story to tell."

So apparently there was an "altercation" at the YMCA after school care this afternoon.

One of his friends broke a (minor) rule, the adults in charge didn't see it, so when he was done going to the bathroom, he came out and scratched his friend in the face and drew blood (I feel a bit responsible for that...I forgot to trim his claws fingernails before sending him to school.)

We've sent him to his room for the evening (he is SERIOUSLY overtired, which hampers his ability to control himself.), and took away his beloved Hot Wheels, and talked to him about making amends to his victim.

This is the part that almost had me in tears.

"I wanna stay home. I don't wanna go to school anymore, everyone calls me a bully. I'm a bad boy and I'm naughty all the time at school. I'm tired of it."

Damn near brought me to tears.

Do all kids struggle this hard at being good/behaving? Ike has internalized the belief that he's a "bad boy". I'm not sure who told him that he's a bad boy...but he definitely believes it.  And he repeats it. Way too often for me to be comfortable. Sometimes I think he uses it as a crutch...but other times...its almost like he realizes something is different. His current teacher summed it up..."He wants to be a friend badly, but can't seem to be able to figure out how."

We are in the process of having him screened by Kaiser for Aspergers...some of it fits. The aggression, the sleep problems, the self care problems, the social awkwardness. He doesn't have the advanced verbal skills of those "Little Professors"  nor is he physically clumsy...he has great gross motor skills, but sometimes he doesn't seem to realize what he's doing with his body...and he has very little concept of personal space. I don't know....I was recently reading one account of life with an Aspie kid in school described Ike to a T. The concept of that they are trying so hard to hold it together at school (i.e. its too loud, too busy, too many distractions, etc etc)...that not only do they have a hard time learning, but once they get home (where its safe), they explode. And he does. Especially on a YMCA day...he is such a bear on those days.  Today was the first incident at the Y...and I'm glad its temporary.

And I know he hasn't been getting enough sleep...you can just tell he's tired, and that he's having a hard time coping with life in general because of it. The good thing about grounding him to his room this evening is that I got him to pass out a good hour earlier than usual. I'm hoping that will improve his demeanor. We need to make a more concentrated effort to get him to bed earlier...we should probably start at 7:30 instead of 8.

He seems to struggle so much...and it hurts to watch.

Or How Ike ruined his parents Valentines Date.

So both Ike and Gwen had Valentines Parties at school. They came home with an enormous amount of sugar.  They spent a good hour and a half after Ike got home plowing through the stash. The girls then passed out from a massive sugar coma. I called Joe around 5ish. Telling him the situation at home. We agreed. Feed them, then take them to KidsPark to play and work that sugar high off. We were happy that we would actually get a date night for V-day.

We pack the kids into the car and we take them over. Just before I let Ike through the doors, I notice...he smells.

"Ike. Did you have an accident?"

"No Mommy."

"Ike, don't lie to me. You will be in more trouble for lying than having an accident. Did you have an accident?"

"Um. Yes"

I turn to Joe and tell him that Ike pooped his pants again. Joe goes over to Ike and asks if its true. Ike confirms he's stinky. Joe contains his anger (extremely well I thought) and tells me that he had asked Ike before we left if he pooped and needed to clean up. We do a fairly quick council and decide to take him home.

We drove home, he cleaned himself up...and is now helping Joe work through a fairly extensive list of chores*. At the rate he's going, he'll probably lose all fun electronics for the weekend as well.

I'm hoping this is the start to the end of lying. But he's a small kid...I doubt it. =) But I do hope it makes an impression.


*So far, he's helped with
Garbage
Recycling
Cleaning the dining room table (all the detrius from their sugar bacchanalia)
Cleaning the dining room floor (toys, clothes, various bits of garbage and recycling)
Cleaning the living room floor (see above)
Cleaning up the porch (Elli made a mess with the playdoh equipment today)

There's about 4 more things for him to do...its a lot of picking up and tidying rather than cleaning...but he's low to the ground...its good for him. =)

Its that time of year to fill out the transfer forms to get Ike into the Charter school. They've changed a rule since last year...and it works for us.

Old Rule: At the end of the academic year, they tossed out the waiting list and you had to start all over, possibly ending up further back on the list than where you were before.

New Rule: You stay on the wait list, year after year until you get in. We still have to fill out the transfer form each spring to hold our place. (Which I just did!). Woo Hoo!

Thank God.

Other Good News: They are adding a second Kindergarden and a second First Grade class. Now the chances of Ike getting in are actually quite good. (Also increases the chances of the girls getting in together. I've had this fear of one getting in and the other not.)

More good news: If we decide to hold Ike back and have him repeat Kinder, it will not affect his place in line. They will move him to the same spot on that list. (yes bumping someone else, but we've already been on the list a year, they can deal.)

This makes me feel so much better about the next academic year.

Now if I can keep myself from slipping into Depression (and yes, I am starting to feel that slide. Dammit. I didn't want that to happen this time, I've been doing so well), I'll be doing okay.

I've taken the kids over to KidsPark for the afternoon. I'm going to go take a nap now.

For the last 10+ days, someone has been falling asleep late in the afternoon. Elli and Gwen have been taking turns...yesterday both of them did.

Why is this a problem do you ask? They are sufficiently old enough to not really need a nap anymore...so when they do, especially one later in the day...they won't go to bed until late (read past my bedtime). So not only have I not been getting my root beer floats (don't get between a pregnant woman and her food cravings) I'm NOT GETTING LAID!

They've gotten stuck in this pattern of napping late, staying up late, getting up on timeish. Its a vicious circle that feeds itself. I'm getting tired of it. I decided to do something about it.

Today, I worked my ass off to keep those two little girls awake and active all afternoon. Elli passed out on the couch at about 6:30. Gwen right before 8. I'm starting to relax, Ike is the last one up...and the night is shaping up to be one where I get both sex and ice cream. Finally.

Ike (now known as the little shit) decides to start making noise...lots of noise. In fact, he creates a sufficient amount of noise that he wakes Elli up...at 8:15.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She's now had an approximate two hour nap, she's feeling rested, and won't go back down. She is currently watching TV.

I'm so hoping that Gray looks just like him.