Breastfeeding in America

[aelfie]

A lot of people have been thinking about it lately.

In the last month Newsweek has published 3 articles about it. Parenting Magazine did a photo montage following a nursing mom for the day. What gives?

People are getting pissed off. And its a good thing.

For the past 20 years or so OB/GYN's and Pedis have been shoving down our throats that "Breast is Best". Which is great! Until recently, numbers of first time mothers attempting to breastfeed is way up. (Last year the numbers went down) But there's a problem with their follow through. The numbers have at least halved by 6 months and are a small (but vocal!) minority at one year.

WHY?

As one of the articles in Newsweek pointed out America is screwed up in the head about it (my phrasing, not theirs) American's have this attitude of "Oh, yes, breastfeeding is best for the baby, but OH MY GOD did you see that woman expose her breast and is actually breastfeeding in public? How obscene! How dare she!!!!" And therein lies the problem. We say we are supportive, but we don't follow through with it.

Workplaces don't provide comfortable, quiet, private, "lactation rooms" for their nursing moms. Moms' get hassled by people while nursing in public. Moms and their nurslings get thrown off planes. Women are harrassed for "indecent exposure". Barbara Walters states on her national show that sitting next to a nursing mom on a plane makes her "uncomfortable".

Did you know that American women have no legal right to nurse in public (at least in most states)? Newsweek pointed out that an attempt to change this is underway. US legislators are trying to pass a federal level protection for nursing women. They are also attempting to require workplaces to provide lactation rooms and for paid breaks for their nursing employees. On one hand, this pleases me that something is finally getting done. On the other hand, its royally pissing me off that its taking federal legislation to protects babies rights to be fed when they are hungry.

It shouldn't take federal oversight for women to be able to breastfeed their children! And all these stupid modesty coverups are absolutely making the problem worse. Not only is it buying into the whole "A breast is a sexual object" crap it actually draws more attention to what you are doing! I'm sorry, but lifting up your shirt and latching a baby on is a lot less attention grabbing than draping this huge thing over your upper body and fumbling around 'cause you can't see what you are doing. And its denying the baby the one thing s/he needs besides the milk in the breast, the sight of his mommy's face!

I went out with my mom friends the other night (The Pasta Pomodoro fiasco) and we got into a rather heated discussion about it. C's argument is that a woman should be modest and cover up when nursing because it might offend other people. My attitude is (shock here) Fuck 'em! If it bothers them, its not my problem. My baby is hungry, I'm feeding him/her. And by saying that Mom should be modest is inherently not supportive. Saying that modesty is required is essentially saying that what mom is doing is sexual. Americans need to get over themselves and the idea that a boob is nothing but a sexual object.

So, Nursing Mom's of America! Whip those boobs out and feed your children openly and with pride. Hold your head high and spit in the eye of any asshole who tries to hassle you.

Comments

[psi-star-psi.livejournal.com]

*drool* Boobies!

Er...I'm not helping am I.

Here, this should be more helpful.

No? Oh, well, I tried. And you should change the icon to the blue pregnant chick. Just sayin'.

[ross-teneyck.livejournal.com]

You know, I've been around a fair number of nursing moms, and most of them were able to nurse without noticeably flashing anyone. I mean, most of the time there's a baby in front of the breast; and apparently a little practice makes it possible to engage and disengage fairly discreetly.

Not, you understand, that I was trying to catch a glimpse or anything. Because that would be wrong.

ObKFM

[psi-star-psi.livejournal.com]

Please meet our three bachelors: Hung Lo, Hugh Wang, and Enormous Genitals!
_ A Fistful of Yen

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

Did you pull the mic from the ceiling down before you said that? =)

Its okay to look. Its not okay, to stare and get pissed off.

And its not okay to require moms to be discreet, which is just another way to say modest. (see argument about modesty above) (and I'm not saying that you are saying that a mom should be discreet. Did that make sense?)

[airporter.livejournal.com]

The helpful comments will start here maybe. Living in the ghetto as I do, I've only been exposed to a couple of nursing moms. My reactions were (in no particular order.)

Eww, Cool, Aren't you cold?, and Does that hurt?

For the first reaction I beg forgiveness, for the lady in question was of a sour bent and I'm a sponge for the energy of anyone and everyone around me. In the latter cases, the ladies were obviously comfortable and going about their business.

I do feel, though, that a room I find chilly fully clothed...

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

No need to beg for forgiveness. Most people are not exposed while growing up to breastfeeding women. Me, growing up near San Francisco surrounded by hippie friends of my aunts and uncles, saw breastfed babies constantly. I didn't see a formula fed baby until I was 13 'cause my aunt's place of work (a hospital no less) wouldn't let her pump! That and her husband's neanderthal idea of "Those boobs are mine, not baby's."

But I need to respond to this:
Eww, Cool, Aren't you cold?, and Does that hurt?
Typical gay male response, typical male response, sometimes, especially if its 55 degrees outside and I'm lifting a shirt (btw pregnant and nursing moms body temperatures actually rise, so we are warm all the time. Which helps alot), and only when they bite.

Sorry, couldn't help myself. =)

[airporter.livejournal.com]

No prob at all. I find it amusing that you'd apply a typical male response to me.

[puzzld1.livejournal.com]

Aren't I all Ms Commenty today? Too tired to post on my own and you are testifyin' on subjects near to my heart and salient in my world right now.

I am exclusively breastfeeding right now and pumping at work. My pumped supply is dwindling because the ambient noise of working in a school for autistic kids is really inhibiting, mmuchas I love them. Finding time to pump is also a trick. The support just isn't there. I am terrified that my supply will not keep up with her demand. I don't want to give her formula. I know it's not poison, but the thought makes me want to cry.

Nursing in public-yeah that's a treat. Next time someone tells me at the food court at the mall to put a blanket over the baby's head, I'm gonna suggest that they put it over their own head if they don't want to see. So thanks for the shout out. Next time I whip out a tit at the mall, I'll know you are somehwhere cheering me on :-)

[airporter.livejournal.com]

You'll have plenty of support and cheerers, so relax, plaster a smile and look adoringly at your baby.

That'll melt the twits.

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

That and boiling oil.

[leatherlion.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth as someone who will never lactate and not have to endure public opinion on it, you've got me cheering you on too.

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

Re: Supply
Get thee to http://www.inhousepharmacy.com/ and order up some motilium. Its a juvenile anti-emitic that has a wonderful side effect of being a galactogogue (makes milk come in) You are taking it for the side effect. You can take up to 3 10 mg pills 3x day. Takes about 2 weeks to kick in. Most people start at that dose and then taper off to find a dosage that keeps the milk coming and keeps the baby happy. I got this stuff from a friend who is an RN and can't lactate without it. She also gave it to the friend who gave me her frozen milk. Then I took it for the girls. Unfortunately I didn't get it until they were 6-7 months old and they were hooked to those damn bottles. Then I never had time to pump. Grrr. I still have some left from the girls and I will be taking them in the hospital when I deliver again.

I bet you get more hassle where you live than here. I remember nursing Ike in NJ in public and people's eyes were about to pop out. He was also 18 months old at the time, so that might have had something to do with it =) You are more than welcome for the shout out and I am cheering you on! =)

[puzzld1.livejournal.com]

Thank you thank you thank you-have never heard of this stuff. Am ordering today.

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

You are very welcome. Stupid american doctors. Its prescribed widely in Canada and the UK. But most US Dr's won't touch it. So we buy it without and Rx on the internet. Gotta love it!

[puzzld1.livejournal.com]

I will be taking them in the hospital when I deliver again.

I just reread that? Are you preg?????

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

Not yet. Am waiting until the girls are 2 before going to infertility Dr to try for 4th (what can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment.)

[puzzld1.livejournal.com]

(what can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment.)

Naw! I think people who like kids and enjoy raising 'em should have as many as they can manage. The stupid people don't seem to limit the size of their families so the smart ones should catch up

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

The stupid people don't seem to limit the size of their families
*snicker* And that is one of the main reasons why we planned on a large family! We've got to add some smart kids back into the gene pool! Most of our really smart friends aren't reproducing. Somebody's gotta make up the slack!

I really enjoy being pregnant (although I have to admit twins sucked after about 6 months, singletons are much easier), Joe really likes the "Jen is Pregnant" Sex. I just have a rough time with the sleep dep. For some reason, we just don't have kids who like to sleep. Oy! And as they get older I really enjoy having the kids around. They can be too much fun!

[allanh.livejournal.com]

I'm gonna disagree with you on ONE highly specific point: I don't think it's unreasonable for a nursing mother to cover her boob with a small blanket or diaper if she's nursing in public. This goes double for in restaurants.

It's a trade-off ... you should be able to nurse your baby any damn place you want, but not if you have to flash half the room to do it.

I've watched you breastfeed all three of your kids, and you manage to do it quietly and discreetly. However, most other nursing moms I've watched don't seem to be able to do it, and end up showing their tits.

I don't think it's a huge imposition on a nursing mother to take, for example, a clean diaper out of her baby bag before nursing ('cause she's probably gonna use it to burp the kid afterwards, anyway), and place it over the boob while the kid's using it.

So my take on it is, I will defend your right to nurse - discreetly - in public just about to the death.

Now, I'm personally not offended by seeing your tits. But I think it's definitely rude to flash tits, dick, balls, ass, or pussy at someone in public. (Certain street fairs, nudist colonies and camps aside.)

[puzzld1.livejournal.com]

I try to cover the rest of my breast once she is latched on, but sometimes the baby won't cooperate with attempts at discretion when she's hungry-littler ones with less head control especially. I can cover my boobs but I often can't cover her head-she hates it. We do the best we can, but sometimes feeding the screaming beast and silencing her is more the priority than not offending the natives :-)

[psi-star-psi.livejournal.com]

That's not really a specific point, that's a rejection of the entire thesis. The point is that nursing mothers already have enough to deal with just trying to get the baby to nurse without juggling additional pieces of cloth and breaking the line of sight to the child. If Aunt Martha gets the vapors when some nursing mother fumbles and flashes a boob so then A.M has the mother kicked off the plane, I will be attaching Aunt Martha to the Automatic Butt-Kicking Machine. And mine goes to 11.

But we all know about me: If I ran the world, the penal system would consist mostly of public squares with ABKM's and guillotines. Also available on Pay Per View!

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

WHY?

If you read my original post and replace the word modest for discreet, my argument still stands. And why double for restaurants? Everyone else is eating, why not the baby? Isn't that exclusionary?

By insisting that I cover up with a diaper (which btw, most breastfed babies don't need to be burped, they aren't swallowing air like a bottle baby) you are implying that breastfeeding is somehow sexual, obscene, something that Mom should be embarrassed about, and should not be done in public. Thus asking me to cover up in any way, shape, or form is inherently nonsupportive of the activity. Its a politer way of saying "We don't want to see it, make it go away." Which is the very attitude we are trying to change.

Why do American's view breastfeeding as something that should be hidden? Beacause they think the breast is reserved solely for sex. By including it in your list of things of the bodily parts that should not be "flashed" you are perpetuating this position. Its just a body part. There's nothing inherently rude about skin.

I think America needs to get over its puritanical views of the human body and the things it can do. Goodness knows a lot of Europeans don't hold these views and they have some of the highest breastfeeding rates in the world. And its culturally acceptable and encouraged to breastfeed the baby anywhere.

And if you still think I should refrain from exposing my breast because its rude, then I think it should be just as rude, obscene, and illegal for a man to wander around without a shirt, after all, he has breasts and nipples too. =)

[allanh.livejournal.com]

It's not about the breastfeeding. In our (admittedly) stoopid society ... it's about the breast.

Until North American society stops placing an emphasis on public violence instead of public nudity, we're going to have this problem.

I find it personally offensive that it's OK for our media outlets to distribute PG and R rated movies and show news clips with corpses, people getting killed, people shooting each other ... yet Janet Jackson's breast pops out during a Super Bowl and people are crying for the fucking death penalty. Hypocritical at best.

And I would agree with you that men shouldn't go topless in restaurants, either. :) I was raised to believe in the "no shoes, no shirt, no service" rule.

Oh. I also agree that our society has a stupid - again, "hypocritical" fits best - fixation on keeping women's breasts covered while allowing men to go topless. This makes about as much sense to me as legalizing alcohol and tobacco while outlawing pot.

[allanh.livejournal.com]

...and that should be "Nursing Moms of America!", without an apostrophe. :)

[rephetibel.livejournal.com]

It's better than it used to be. This conversation occurred at Ross's first well-baby checkup back in 1968.

Pediatrician: How much does he take at the first feeding?

Me: I don't know. I'm nursing him.

Pediatrician: Well, how much does he get total throughout the day?

Me: I don't know. I'm nursing him.

Pediatrician: But you HAVE to know!

1968 - Good year, clueless doctors

[psi-star-psi.livejournal.com]

Please tell me this pediatrician was male. Otherwise I must now despair for the species. (Again. As usual. Etc.)

Re: 1968 - Good year, clueless doctors

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

Nah, the ones I had that conversation with were female. Some people...

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

You know, I still had those conversations with all three of my kids. They just don't get it do they?

molly

[(Anonymous)]

That's like the reverse conversations I was having when I was trying to breast feed Mel. I kept telling the doctors she wasn't getting enough and they were like, "You don't know that, you're breast feeding."

moll

[(Anonymous)]

As for the whole subject, I'm all for breastfeeding rights. On a plane, in a restaurant, in a furniture store (story from another forum), whatever, wherever, in any way the mother feels comfortable. There shouldn't be any laws barring public feeding.

On a personal level, however, I think there's a nice happy medium between draping a tent over yourself, in your car, any time your baby gets hungry and, say, lifting your shirt up to your chin and pulling your bra all the way down before the baby's even in your arms. Jus sayin.

As for the, "Breasts aren't sexual!" argument. Uh. Yeah they are. Among the Bush People, no. Here yes. If they're not sexual, why not run around shirtless all the time? Why wait until you have a baby? In our society breasts are sexual. It's not "wrong," it's just one part of our culture. In some countries hair is sexual, in others only the genitals are sexual. Every society is different, and you have to expect some level of intolerance for exposing a part of yourself that is widely considered sexual.

Now, if you're actually just lifting/removing enough of the clothing to give access to the baby, possibly flashing a nipple for a moment, and then only exposing a bit of skin on the breast mound, I don't really see any reason for anyone to complain. It's pretty easy to look away. It's a difficult subject for me to really explain my feelings on. I guess I just think consideration should go both ways. People around you should be considerate of your need to feed your child, and you should be considerate, or at least mindful, or the possible sensibilities of the people around you.